Because our hearts beat as one
by 14thisisme
Summary: This story starts with the end of season 2. Castle and Beckett realise that they can't go on like this and have to face the fact that they totally love each other. But will it work out? This is my first story, but I hope it'll work out. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

I started writing when I was only 7 years old, and now, 9 years later, I still love it. It's been a while, about 6 months ago since I last wrote on a story. That's an incredibly long time for me, because I'd love to write every day.

Since it was one of my New Year's Resolutions to start writing again, here I am, settled behind my computer again.

Before you start reading I want you to know that I'm not actually English, or American, or Australian, which means that my first language isn't English. This makes it harder (sometimes) to avoid mistakes. Mostly grammatically, I think. So please just keep on reading, try and understand what I'm trying to say. If you don't, you can always ask me.

Last but not least: please review after reading! I would really appreciate that.

Love,

Sharon

The story: The story picks up from the end of season 2, where Castle and Gina go off to the Hamptons, leaving Beckett - who just broke up with her former boyfriend Demming, to confess her love to Castle - behind. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about: start watching Castle at ABC, because it's really awesome XD

Chapter 1

"Gina, honey, could you get me another coffee?" Rick smiled smoothly at his not-always beloved wife. She gave him _the_ look in return.

"For you always," she sneered.

He rolled his eyes when she was out of sight. He put his sunglasses on and tried to relax in the heat of 90 degrees. He had always been sensitive to the extreme weather - it didn't matter if it was extremely high or extremely low.

Gina came up the porch of their house again. "Here you go." She gave him the coffee and he thanked.

Rick stared at the kids playing before with a basketball. He suddenly felt seriously old, like a grandfather watching his grandchildren from a porch: the old, clichéd scene that was over and over described in so many books.

"Do you feel like doing anything today?" she asked, as she sat beside him.

"Nope," he answered.

She was quiet for a sec, and then she answered with a simple "K."

It had been like this for two weeks now and Rick didn't think he could go on like this for much longer. They got into so much fights and if they weren't busy fighting, they were both quiet. The first days had seemed so good, but after Alexis had left, Rick had started to miss her so badly. Luckily for him she was coming back to them tonight, after ten days camping with her best friend Lauren.

Still, he was so bored he could barely stand it.

"I'm just gonna take a walk." He got onto his feet and turned to his ex.

"O.K."

"Wanna join?"

"Nah, I've laundry waiting for me." She smiled at her own very bad joke.

"Good luck."

"You too."

He nodded, waited for a sec and got the hell out of there. He started walked in a random direction. He saw the trees, other houses. All lovely and gorgeous, but he felt empty inside. Now that he could see everything he thought needed to see, he knew that trees weren't the things missing in this vacation. He needed inspiration. To do something. To not feel bored all day long. He needed to be inspired to relax, as weird as that sounds.

"Castle?"

He turned to the voice that said his name. He realized he had already walked to a place he had never seen before.

"Yes, hi."

He looked into a familiar face, but he couldn't place it.

"Are you O.K.? You look a little…" He didn't even finish his sentence.

"Yeah," Rick answered. Then he realized. "_Demming!_ Sorry, I was… thinking."

"Yeah, I can see that." Demming smiled the smile that every girl would fall for. Made Castle wanna punch him in the face.

"So… Is Kate here?" he asked, and his stomach looped at his own words.

"No, she isn't, I've…" He frowned. "Wait, you don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

"About… us?" Demming grinned.

"How can I not know? I mean, it was kinda obvious that you guys…"

"I mean that we broke up?"

Now it was his turn to smile. "You broke up?"

"Yes."

That just made his day, even though he didn't know why. It wasn't like he was gonna see Kate any time soon.

"Whoa. Didn't see that one coming," he said, as though feeling sorry for Demming. Inside, on the other hand, he had just begun to love Demming.

"So why?"

"Er, don't know." He seemed to have been thinking about the last three weeks. "She… she just said that she wasn't looking for… the things I was willing to give her."

"Then what was she looking for?" he asked, before even realizing what he had said.

"I asked, but she didn't answer."

Rick frowned, because it was hard to believe. Why wouldn't she tell a guy that she was probably never going to see again in her life? But then again, we were talking about Kate: the one person who seemed to be unable to talk about herself or her feelings.

"Okay, well, thanks, have a nice summer," Rick said and he turned around before Demming could say anything else than 'bye'.

It was twilight on the same day and the temperature had dropped a few degrees to about 80. That was as far as it went at night, and it was awful to sleep in. So far, it had been a very hot summer.

The bell rang and Rick almost ran to the door.

"My little…" He hugged his almost 17 year old daughter and was surprised at how not-tired she looked. Her hair was a little messy and dry and her face was a little more tanned than it was when she left.

"Dad…," she sighed.

"How was it? Did you get enough sleep?"

"I did actually. I had a good time." Alexis smiled.

He sighed again.

"But I'm glad to be back!" she tried to soothe him.

"Me too." She smiled back at him.

Rick sat back down on the couch and turned the volume of the TV down.

"Did you manage to write a little?" she asked him.

"No, not really. I don't know, I just…" He didn't finish.

Alexis didn't ask anything for a while and then her voice came, really softly. "You miss Beckett, don't you?"

He looked at her as though she had said something shocking. "I guess, yes."

"Then why don't you go back?"

He was quiet and started thinking for a second. "Yes, why don't I?" He jumped to his feet and called Gina.

The next day they were already in the cab back to their apartment downtown New York.

"Dad, are you O.K.? You've been grinning like an idiot for an hour now," Alexis murmured, slightly irritated.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm good."

"I can see that, yeah."

Rick looked at her. "If you don't want to go back, you could've stayed with Gina, you know."

"I know. I'd just rather be with Gram and you."

He smiled. "My girl." He hugged her clumsily.

"Not that I don't love her, though!" she said, slightly shocked by what she'd just said. "It's just, she keeps talking and talking and talking… About nothing, really."

"I know. I know exactly what you mean." He looked away, thinking about her.

There was a brief silence between them.

"Beckett would be different though," she said.

Rick looked at her with a surprised look. "What do you mean?"

Alexis grinned. "You know what I mean. She's not like that. She's real. She talks about real stuff. Not only about shopping and beauty spa's, like Gina and Mom and anyone else you've ever dated."

Rick swallowed, not knowing what to say. In the end, he simply nodded, running out of alternatives.

Why would Alexis say something like this so suddenly? They hardly ever talked about his love interests, especially not about Kate. Well, they talked their cases and victims and stuff, but not about his personal relationship with her. And he didn't really know how to answer her, because how do you tell your little girl that your heart has been broken by that woman? And how do you explain to her that she broke up with her boyfriend some time before you walked in with your ex-wife, breaking her heart? It just wasn't possible to explain that to your 16-year-old daughter.

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hey everyone!

I was feeling like writing today, so here's new chapter. I can't promise to write everyday, because tomorrow I'll have to go to school again. But I'll as much as I can to write more often.

Once again, I'm not English, so please don't judge the story on the grammar.

"Good morning, Espo, where's Beckett?" greeted Rick, walking into the precinct.

"Castle!" sighed Esposito, sounding almost relieved. "How were the Hamptons?"

"Well, I don't know. Kinda missed you." He put on his fake smile.

"'Course you did." He smiled and walked away to get some coffee.

Rick sat down in his usual chair and looked around. The precinct was abandoned. New York seemed to be in an easy mood, since there hadn't been any murders. Or so it seemed, at least.

He sighed. This felt like home, somehow, even though he was sitting there al by himself and there was really no apparent reason to feel at ease.

"Castle?"

He turned around and saw Beckett standing there, stunned and waiting for an explanation for his sudden return.

"You… Your hair. It… grew."

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't suppress a small smile . "Whoa. What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to hide her actual interest in him. She sat down on her chair and grabbed some paperwork.

"I don't know. What are we doing?" he asked with a smile on his face.

"Nothing. Paperwork." She seemed to be avoiding he gaze, he noticed. He couldn't come up with a good reason why.

"No case?"

"No case."

"What have you been doing, then?"

"Nothing. Been here all time."

"All right. But how was your summer?"

"Castle, I don't have time for small-talk. I'm sorry." Now she did look him in the eye and he wish she hadn't. Her eyes were cold, like he was some random murderer. It gave him goose bumps.

Slightly offended, he sat back in his chair. "O.K. Then what can I do?"

"Nothing, really," she murmured.

He frowned. "Oh.. K. I would've…" His voice trailed off. He looked at her in a way that he never had before. For the very first time he saw a side from her that he had never seen from her before. A cold, heartless side.

What the hell did he do wrong?

Oh, yes, aside from the fact that he had obviously broken her heart?

He stood from his chair, hoping she'd notice him walking away, but she didn't even look up.

Kate watched Rick walk away from the corner of her eye and pretended to work on her paperwork. It wasn't even actual paperwork; the actual paperwork she had already done this morning. There was nothing she could do anymore. New York had been silent and boring for quite a while now, and they didn't even know why.

"Yo, Kate. We got a case." Espo came walking in swiftly. He couldn't even hide a smile. It was obvious that everyone had been bored the last couple of weeks.

"Do we?" She almost jumped to her feet.

"Yes." Ryan walked in as well. "Shall we go?" He asked Esposito, next to whom he stood.

Kate grabbed her coat and started walking toward the elevator.

"Where's Castle?" asked Espo. "Aren't you gonna call him?"

"Castle's back?" Ryan smiled happily while walking behind Esposito. It was always funny to see him try and keep up with Esposito. Esposito walked way bigger steps than him and could therefore walk so much faster.

They stood in the elevator, each on a side of Kate.

Ryan was ignored and Espo became a little suspicious towards Kate. "What? You didn't send him home, did ya?"

Kate nodded. "Yes, I did." She bit on the inside of her cheek, trying to hide her disappointment in Castle and herself for not even being able to have a decent conversation, after they hadn't spoken for weeks.

"No, you did not." He sounded surprised.

"Yes, I did!"

"That's cruel, even for you," said Ryan. He patted on your shoulder, that was in fact way to high for him to reach.

"_Even_ for me?" Kate snorted.

"No seriously, what happened, what did I miss?"

The elevator dinged and the doors went open. Kate grabbed her chance and quickly escaped her two colleagues.

"Nothing happened, bro. At least not that you need to know of."

Kate heard them going on and on, but she sort of ran to her car and drove away fast. No one needed to know what she actually felt about how cold and estranged things had felt with Castle.

"Dad? You home already?" Alexis stood up as her father walked into the loft. He looked like he'd been hit in the face by Kate Beckett herself.

"Yeah…" he said and he sighed. He stood still and looked at his daughter. She walked up to him and put her strong arms around his upper body.

"I'm sorry…" she said and her voice broke a little.

Rick felt his own heart skip a beat, as if it had officially happened now that Alexis felt sorry for him.

"What happened?" she whispered, almost inaudible. Her arms loosened around his back and he saw them falling next to her body.

"She… acted as if she didn't want me there."

"Of course she did. She is hurt. What did you do next?"

He shrugged. "I went home."

"You didn't even apologize?"

He shook his head and sat down on the biggest couch in the apartment. "No. Should I have?"

Alexis sat down next to him and started talking as if her life was on the line. "Yes, of course you should've! What did you think, that she'd come running into you and you would all be fine?" Alexis was getting a little mad at her ignorant dad. "You should have apologized. _At least._"

"I don't have anything to apologize for. I didn't do anything wrong."

"You broke her heart."

"She broke mine."

"And still. You be the man!" Alexis laughed a little.

Rick was quiet for a second. "But what do I say?" he asked eventually.

"You say something like 'I wish I would've gone to the Hamptons with you. I regret the moment I decided to go with Gina. It turned out to be a complete disaster. I'm sorry for not being able to say that when it mattered most.'" Alexis thought about her own words for a while.

"That sounds pretty good." He smiled at her proudly. "Maybe you should tell her, you are already better at this than I will ever be."

"That's because you love her."

"I don't love her. I just… like her. That's all."

Alexis grinned. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I don't really have much to say, so just start reading.

The only thing is… OMG TONIGHT IS THE FREAKING SEASON FINALE! OMGOMGOMGOMG And I have to wait until tomorrow, because I don't live in the States ;( But anyways, enjoy reading!

Love,

Sharon

Rick was pacing back and forth in his office, trying to think of a possible conversation with Kate. A reasonable. Not all-baring, just… a good conversation. His apology, her acceptance, followed by our usual friendly talk. As friends. Nothing else, just friends.

He stood still and imagined what it would feel like, going back to the precinct every day, knowing that they'd never be more. What if what he wanted was more than just friendship? Could they ever be a couple? Kate was going to say that she loved him right before he went to the Hamptons. But what if he, by leaving, spilt that chance? Will they have a shot?

And if she would be willing to try, would it work out? Because they loved each other, but they were as different as can be. He was open, loud, looking for the fun in life, while she was usually to herself and she searched for justice. For her mother's murder, mostly. She always tried to make it up to herself and her Mom, somehow. They had different goals. Different families. Different jobs. The only thing the had in common was their fascination for murder and their love for each other.

His mother walked into his room and looked at him for a second before she started to talk. "Richard, are you alright? Alexis told me about your visit to the precinct."

"She did, now, did she?" he said, uninterested.

"Richard, for God's sake. I don't know how much confirmation you want."

"Confirmation? For what?" he looked up with a screwed up face, not being able to understand what his mother had just said. Martha was crazy, irresponsible and unrealistic about basically everything, but when it came down to his life, everything she said was right.

"The woman has been waiting for you for ever. And you have been waiting for her as well. And yet neither of you thinks the other is feeling the same way or whatever reason you think you have for not telling her exactly how you feel."

Rick swallowed, his throat feeling as if something was blocking his voice. "But what is she doesn't feel the same?"

"She does, trust me."

"But it might not work out."

Martha gave him a look.

"It might not! And if it doesn't, then our friendship is over, no doubt about out."

"Yes, it would be. But you need to ask yourself: would I be willing to take a risk to get the woman I've always dreamt of?"

Rick didn't have to suppress a smile at the thought of him and Kate together, knowing what the alternative was.

"I could end up with no Kate at all."

"You could end up with everything."

And he knew that.

He stood up, walked toward the windows. It was raining really hard. It was obvious the summer was getting to an end.

"Richard, please believe me when I say this. A wise person once told me: I'd rather risk losing my heart, then pretending I never had a heart."

Rick turned around quickly. He looked at his mother for a while and then put his arms around her.

"Thanks, mother."

"You're very welcome."

He smiled and grabbed his coat from the desk where he had dropped it.

"Are you going to see her?"

"Yes, I am."

She grinned and gave him a double thumbs up.

"Good luck."

Alexis walked in when he just walked.

"Bye, I'll be in… err… I don't know how long. Depends on what happens, I guess." He slammed the door behind him.

"Wait a sec, did he just go to see Beckett?" Alexis asked, unbelievably.

"Yes, he did." Martha laughed her wicked, happy laugh.

"Whoa. Finally."

Martha grinned. "Right you are."

The doors of the elevator dinged for the second time this very day before his eyes. This time it felt so different than last time. Different than any time before, really. This morning when he walked in, he had hopes. More like expectations, really. Now he didn't. In fact, the worst-case scenario's had played and replayed during the entire drive here and had made him scared to death.

However, he was here now and he had to make the best of it.

But seeing Kate stand there, looking at him as if she couldn't believe he was there _again_. And not in a positive way.

"Hey, Castle," she said, surprisingly happy for such an angry face.

"Beckett," he said, needing to push up the corners of his mouth in order to create somewhat of a smile.

"Look, Castle, I'm… sorry for this morning. I was a little… harsh and… that wasn't… I didn't mean to be." She didn't really know where to look, since his eyes would be to… disturbing?

"Apology accepted. But I have something to say myself as well."

Beckett looked up, with a look in her eyes that made him want to kiss right away. Right now. Right here.

But of course he couldn't.

"I just want to say…"

Kate smiled at him gaping at her.

That smile. Those eyes.

It's like she wanted him to forget what he was trying to say.

"Last summer…"

Where are the words when you most need them, mr. Novelist? _Well?_

"When we said goodbyes before the summer, you said you wanted to tell me something. I thought I didn't know what it was, but I think now I do. Somehow."

And then he stopped.

Kate stared at him for a good 30 seconds, before moving again. His heart stopped when she did a step towards him and shortened the distance between them. Her eyes sparkled in the little light.

"What would you have answered?" she whispered almost inaudible for normal ears, but he felt like his ears suddenly became oversensitive.

"I would have said yes," he answered, his voice hoarser than ever.

Kate swallowed. "And Gina?"

"Believe me, that's over. One marriage was more than enough."

"You seemed to be pretty into her before the summer." She was really close now. He could feel her warm, soft breath on his face.

"I was. Not anymore."

She distanced a little bit. "But that's the thing with you, Rick."

He was a little bit taken aback. He didn't expect this kind of thing from her, somehow. He thought the answer would have been either yes or no, nothing starting with a 'but'.

"What is?"  
"You go from woman number 1 to number 2 in a couple of days."

"But not with you. With you I would be different."

"Why? What would make it different with _me_?"

"Because…"

"Beckett, I got a new lead." Esposito came standing next to her.

"Oh, hey, Castle. You're here again?"

"Espo, could you please give us a second?" Kate said, never looking away from my eyes.

Esposito stood there, not at all being aware of the situation he had just interrupted. "Not really. Suspect's waiting for you in the interrogation room."

Kate looked at him, somewhat startled, but she recovered quickly enough, gave Rick a nod and walked away with some files or other papers in her hand. Esposito looked at her walking away.

"What's up with her?" he said, still unaware of the mess he had just helped create.

"We had… the talk."

Esposito looked up. "Really? About the two of you?"

"Yes."

"And I interrupted?"

"You did."

Esposito looked sad. "Well, I must say, I feel sorry for you, bro." And then he walked away.

The rest of the afternoon, Kate had been crazily busy, unable to have a conversation for more than 30 seconds. They had been halfway through that conversation and just when he was about to say what he had wanted to say for years, Esposito had interrupted. Moment gone.

Rick had to wait until 6 o'clock until Kate had finished doing everything she wanted to do.

"You ready?" he asked unnecessarily.

"Yeah, I am." She grabbed her coat.

"O.K., let's go. You want to go to my house or to yours?"

"Look, Castle. I'm sorry. I know the timing is really bad, but I've go to the restaurant two blocks away. I have an appointment."

"Like a date?" He felt that he became jealous instantly.

She smiled. "Sort of. With my Dad."

"Oh, right," he murmured, trying as hard as he could not to sound relieved. "Well, then, I see you tomorrow?" He couldn't hide his disappointment at all.

"Tomorrow. Yes." She said.

"Right."

He turned his back to her and started pacing automatically. One of the worst things he had ever felt: failure. He had never liked that, because he didn't know how to handle failure. Success was amazing and made you feel like you were actually worth something. Failure made you feel like you were the exact opposite.

"Wait, Castle." Her voice came from behind him, and it sounded high-pitched and nervous.

"Yes?" He swallowed his worthless feelings away.

"I'll be done around eight. Do you think you could come to my apartment?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I haven't posted anything for a couple of days, I know, but that's because I was very busy. I had _a lot _of schoolwork, but today I had some time off, so here I am behind my computer. I'm very in advance if I make a lot of mistakes; I typed this all really quickly, so that's why some misunderstandings or plain mistakes may occur. You can alert me if you want to, I would appreciate that ;)

And, this chapter is really important to me, because in this one I talk about a subject that I don't think a lot of Castle stories deal with, because it's not the main subject. Today I'm going to try and write a new storyline about bullying. I have never been bullied myself, so I don't claim to know what it really is like, but it is something that I hate most about high school and I would really like it to stop. So, please read it and, most importantly, try to understand my message.

Rick went home after his conversation with Kate. He had been thinking about it, all the way home, when he came into the loft. He immediately looked up when he noticed someone was crying.

"Alexis? Is that you?" He asked, pretty loudly and uncertain about what to do exactly.

"Dad… You're finally here," she said, "I have been waiting for you."

He walked in with a concerned expression all over his face. Seeing Alexis cry was the worst thing he had ever seen. Every time she cried, his heart broke into a million pieces.

"Alexis, what happened?" he stuttered a little bit, taken aback by her slightly stained face. He guessed that she had been crying for a while now. He sat down on the bar chairs next to her.

She was shaking a little when she brought the glass of water to her mouth and swallowed some water. "Well, I went to school today and I was surprised, because usually Lauren and Natalie sit next to me in Spanish class. But today I went there and they already sat with someone else. When I asked if one of them wanted to sit next to me, they just said that they didn't want to sit next to me anymore."

Rick swallowed, trying to be as objective as possible. "But don't you think they maybe just wanted to sit next to someone else? Not to offend you, but just… not today?" As he said, he knew how stupid it sounded.

"I know. I know that, but… the way Lauren said that she didn't want to sit next to me anymore, it was like… she was angry with me or something." She looked up at him, her eyes tearing up again. "And then, during the lunch time break I sat next to Natalie, who's supposed to be my best friend, stood up, grabbed Lauren arm and walked away. They sat down on the table next to mine and I was just sitting with a bunch of guys I didn't know - still don't know, by the way. It was… humiliating."

Castle didn't know what to say, other than that he wanted more than ever to hit both those girls in the face. "But why… so suddenly? You were closer than ever the last couple of weeks, and now suddenly…?"

"Well, I wish I knew that." She sounded cold and stared down at her fingers. She played nervously with the yellow straw in her hand. "What am I supposed to do, Dad? I mean, what if it never goes back to normal again?"

"It will, honey," he whispered, but he knew perfectly well how weak and unsure he sounded.

"Yes, but what if it _doesn't_?" she said, starting to get angry, with herself, with Rick and mostly with Lauren and Natalie.

"You have other friends, don't you? You could go to them as well."

"Maybe. But Lauren and Natalie dominate the whole group. If they don't want me to be part of the group, then who are they to say that I should take part in whatever too?"

Rick sighed. "They are your friends. They have to stand up for you. They just have to." He tried to reassure her, without using the word 'will', because he didn't know what would happen next.

Alexis stood up and hugged her Dad. Rick looked up from her bright red hair and stared outside. It was completely silent for a moment, both of them still in each other's arms. Then, a couple of seconds later, he heard the muffled sound of his daughter crying again.

"I actually have an appointment with Kate, but I'll stay here with you. I'll cancel that appointment." He said, when he hang up the phone. They had ordered Chinese, because that was Alexis' favourite.

"No, you should go. Don't stick around here just because I'm crying."

"No, I want to stay here with you."

"No. You. Go. Talk. To. Her." She said, once again emphasizing all of her words carefully. "Now."

Rick walked up to his daughter and looked at her. Her mesmerizing blue eyes looked sad and he wondered how anyone could ever look her in the eye and hurt her. How could you look into that gorgeous pair of eyes and tell her she wasn't welcome to sit where she wanted to sit?

"You sure you'll be O.K.?"

Alexis looked at him, pretended to look offended, but he could still see the little, hurt girl in her eyes. "Hey, I'm 16 - almost 17. I'll survive a couple of hours on my own." She smiled, but it looked really forced to him.

"Alright," he said, eventually. He kissed her on her forehead and headed towards the door.

Kate had just arrived back home from dinner with her Dad. She almost ran towards her bathroom and redid her make up. Her face looked all messed and she just wanted to look a bit better when Castle would come.

She thought about her conversation with her father during dinner. He had talked about how he'd met his new girlfriend, and as awkward as it seemed at that very moment, now she realised she was happy for him. This woman (she was well in her fifties) was the first girlfriend her father had since her mother died more than ten years ago.

Her father had seemed to be very happy about the fact that he wouldn't be alone every single night anymore from now on. Kate hadn't really known how to react to the fact that they were talking about her father's love life, which was part of what had made it so awkward. The other part was that he was actually moving on from her mother.

Finally.

But still, somehow, somewhere, it hurt. It was almost like he accepted the fact that his true love was dead. And that was something Kate couldn't. Wouldn't, ever.

There was a loud knock on the door. Unwillingly, her heart started to pound really hard at the thought of seeing Castle in a few seconds. She looked at herself in the mirror one more time, decided she looked alright, and walked towards the door to answer it.

Castle was standing there. Her heart skipped a beat and he looked startled as well.

"Hi," she breathed.

"Hey. I thought I'd come by."

"Yeah, I thought you would, too."

This just got awkward, Kate thought.

"Would you tea? Coffee?"

He grinned. "Little late for coffee, I think."

Okay, guess that's a no… she thought. "Wine?"

"Wine'd be _great_." He said and he sighed so heavily that she had to ask him the inevitable question, "What happened?"

He looked at her, straight in the eye. She looked away immediately and started looking for a bottle of wine.

"Alexis. Her best friends suddenly turned against." Usually he would've told a much longer story, but this story somehow didn't need more explanation.

Kate gave him a quick look. "That's awful. Does she know why?"

"No, she doesn't, but she feels pretty horrible about it."

"I can imagine. But I guess that's something everything has to go through, right? Sometimes you'll have bad days, friends are mean to you."

Castle shrugged. "I don't know. I think… Bad days are one thing, but this was… different. Alexis looked almost scared. She couldn't stop crying. I didn't recognize my own daughter anymore." He swallowed his pride before he said the last sentence.

Kate didn't really know what to say. "It'll be fine." But, just like Castle had tried saying this to Alexis before, it didn't sound convincing or reassuring at all.

Kate poured herself and Castle a large glass of wine. She tried talking to him, but realised at a certain point that he wasn't in the mood to talk. He worried to much about Alexis.

"Rick?" She said to him, her voice shivering. He put a book back in the shelf and turned around to look at her.

"I just want you to know…" She carefully searched for words that would fit this situation.  
"Rick, you can always count on me, you know. With Alexis, with… anything." Her voice sounded unsure, yet stronger than ever. She looked at him and gave him a smile.

He didn't answer, nor did he smile. He looked numb, to be honest.

"Well, I wanted you to know that." She turned away from his face.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say those words."

She looked up at his face again. Her eyes shimmered, he noticed. Those big, gorgeous, lovely eyes.

"You can count on me, too," he added

"I know," she said and she smiled, baring her perfect teeth.

He walked up to her and closed his arms tightly around her. He could feel the corners of his mouth go up. The warmth of her body against his felt like… home. It felt like they didn't have a care in the world. It felt so natural, that it was almost impossible to believe that it took them so many years to realise how much they cared about each other.

They stood there for a while, before Rick pulled away and kissed her. Kate was stunned, because she was just getting used to how his body felt against hers - and then he kissed. He got eager once his lips had touched hers. She kissed him back, getting more and more into it as the seconds passed.

They were kissing for a long time, realising that the more they got, the more they wanted. It was like it was addictive - even Rick had never felt like that before. He felt like she had opened him up more. Like she'd finally taken out the part of him that had never seen the light before. He wasn't sure what that was, but it felt new. Fresh.

Good.

It felt like… the beginning of something completely alienate in their lives. And God, it felt _great._

I typed really quickly, as I said before. Hope you like it though :D if you notice any mistakes, feel free to tell me.

And about the Alexis-part: more is coming up. I really hope you like this somewhat unexpected twist!

Love,

Sharon

P.S. _Please _review! I really like reading the comments!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Thank you for your reviews! I love reading them, so please keep posting them :D

I want to ask you guys to do me another favor. I write a blog as well, and I would like you to just look at it. You'd do me a big favor. Thank you!

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Love,

Sharon

Rick walked into the precinct in the morning, not knowing what to expect. He didn't know if he could avoid awkwardness between him and Beckett - and how, if it were even possible to. He saw the back of her head becoming clearer as he walked towards her desk. Her brown curls hung casually over her shoulders - like they always did.

Esposito walked in, the same time he did. He felt kind of weird about that, having to look her in the eye, pretending they were still in the same situation they had always been in.

She looked up when she noticed him. "Hi," she breathed, having to remind herself to close her mouth after looking at him.

"Hey." He smiled back at her and turned away, before he would drown in her big, eager eyes. "We got a new case?"

"We do, actually. Since we solved that last case pretty quickly, we're lucky to have a new one this fast."

"Lucky us - a new dead guy," Beckett said, partially sarcastically.

"A dead woman, to be exact," Espo corrected her.

Beckett grinned, although neither of them really knew why.

"Go on," she said quickly, when she noticed they were both staring at her.

"Alright. This woman lives two blocks away from here. Her name was Amanda Carter. She was 27 years old and an ordinary waitress, working at Starbucks, only one block apart from hers. She would walk there everyday and worked full time, from 8 till 4. So far, we think she didn't have a boyfriend and she lived alone. Wasn't much of a social person, 'cause from what it looks, she didn't have many friends either. You may guess where she was found dead."

"Sex club," was Castle's immediate answer. His immature yet handsome face turned into big grin.

"Castle, you have an overactive imagination," was Beckett's comment, yet she couldn't help smiling as well.

"Thank you, detective."

"Where do you put your bets on, Beckett?"

Beckett rolled her eyes impatiently. "I don't put my bets on anything - just tell me." She reached for the file in Esposito's hand, but he turned away.

"First, you guess," he said, strictly.  
"No, I won't."

He gave her a look.

"Alright. I put my bets on an alley behind Starbucks. She might have been raped and killed afterwards."

"You're boring," Castle reacted, causing Beckett to give him a "What?"-look. "What would've preferred? Being raped in an alley and being a completely helpless victim to some kind of psycho-guy, or would you have wanted an actual crime of passion, when your admirer had found you in a sex club?"

Beckett sighed and tried as hard as she could to ignore Castle. "You tell me the damn place."

"Alright, alright - don't have to be angry." Espo showed her the name of the place, written in the file.

"No way…" Her jaw dropped.

"I know."

"What? What is it?" Castle tried to look at it as well, but Espo had already pulled it away, before he could see the name.

Beckett threw him a flirtatious look and smiled at him mysteriously. "Come on, Castle. Let's go."

He hesitated for a second, looking at Espo for some support, but then he followed like some lost puppy.

"Can you please tell me where we are going?"

Beckett was driving (surprise, surprise) and Castle was riding shutdown. Beckett gave him a look. She suddenly turned into a parking garage.

"Are we there?"

"Not exactly." She chose the very first parking spot and quickly drove into it.

"Then what are we doing here?"

"Finding a really quiet place. Where no one can see us."

It was started to sink in on Castle and suddenly he didn't think about the body anymore. He looked at her and she stared back. Then she leaned in and started kissing him. Just like last time, at first it went really slowly and the longer they were kissing, the more eager they were getting.

She pulled open his jacket and threw it somewhere, although she didn't really pay attention where to. Castle kinda let her do that, because he felt like he was under a spell. He couldn't think clearly anymore - all because of her. She was so mesmerizing. And now that they were secretive, it was getting only more and more exciting. More mysterious.

She started tugging his shirt and then, all of the sudden, he froze.

She seemed to feel that, because she let go of him, looking surprised. "You're not gonna tell you don't want to? Not yet?" she said, trying to sound like some scared teenager.

"I… don't know. Honestly." He swallowed. How could have actually refused _her_?

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just don't want to ruin this, you know? Not in a parking garage."

"Alright then." She sat back on her chair, not really taking it well.

"Kate, I…"

"Never mind, Castle." She acted like she didn't care, but he could tell she was disappointed and hurt.

"Seriously." He put his hand on her chin and turned her face to his, and replaced his hand on her cheek gently. His hand was warm, she noticed. He looked a her for a moment, then started talked.

"I don't want to do this now, because I want this to be really special. And even though I love the fact that it's so spontaneous, I don't want to rush it or anything like that."

Kate smiled a little. Alright, she had to admit: he had a good reason.

"And I want us to not go all the way in 24 hours. I really want to believe you could be the last person to have my first time with," he ended.

She was silent for a little while. His eyes looked so deeply into hers that she could not imagine him lying right now. _He wanted her to be his last first._ Which basically meant he wanted to spent the rest of his life with her, or he wanted to commit suicide within a week. Not assuming the last reason would be the real one, which meant he wanted to marry her, live together, share everything they owned, maybe have a bunch of kids and maybe worst of all: grow old together.

As much as she loved, liked him and wanted nothing more than to be with him - the idea of never being with someone else managed to scare her somehow. Seriously scare her.

She smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on his lips, in order not to make him suspicious of her being scared. He kissed her back and she pulled away a little too soon for his satisfaction - but alright. "Thank you," she added. "That's really sweet of you. And I agree: it might be better if we wait just a little while longer."

She restarted the engine and they drove out of the dark parking garage into the fresh morning light and air of New York City. He realized they were getting close to Times Square.

"Wait a sec - I thought we were going to see the body? Did it drop right here?" Rick asked, surprised.

"Yes, it did. Right in the middle of Times Square."

They parked somewhere near and walked up the street. Beckett tried to talk to him again, and hopefully getting rid of the awkwardness that they had somehow created.

"How was Alexis?"

"I don't know. She has today off, so I let her sleep. Yesterday, when I came home, she was already asleep, so I haven't seen her since last night."

"And Martha? Did she say anything about it?"

They crossed the road, Beckett holding her cup of coffee in her right hand.

"She only said that it'll probably be over soon." Castle looked sad and Beckett suddenly regretted bringing up the subject, just because she had had nothing else to talk about.

It was quiet for a second, until they entered the crime scene. There were a lot of policemen standing around the body, much more than was usually necessary. Also, there were a lot of spectators, trying to get a quick look at the body, before heading off to wherever they were going in the first place. Lanie and Perlmutter stood in the exact middle with their notebooks and a body in their middle.

The woman, that had gone pale by now, was not immensely good-looking, yet not ugly, blonde, tiny (for as far as they could see that while she was lying on the ground) and most weirdly of all, she looked peaceful. Like she was O.K. with the fact that she was dead. Well, she did have a bullet hole in her head, which somehow made it look much less peaceful.

"Lanie, what can you tell me?" Beckett asked, kneeling down next to the body.

"I don't know much yet, I just know she was shot from very closely. Only one bullet hole in the forehead and that's all."

"What about witnesses?"

"Yes, that's exactly what makes this so weird. There are no witnesses. At least, not that we've found so far."

"No witnesses? This is Times Square. There must have been one person that has seen something. At least one," Kate answered, not really knowing whether she was supposed to laugh or be angry.

"I know, honey. But we haven't found no one yet."

"Well, keep looking. This is New York City. It's the city that never sleeps. Call me if you know anything," she said grumpily and then walked away swiftly to head back to the precinct, Castle following her again.

Alright, today I've written a chapter that contains a new storyline: the murder. I've never done anything like that before, so please: tell me what you think!

Love,

Sharon


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I wrote this one in two days - and the last part is a little sad in my opinion. I had a bad day in school, so I'm not feeling really great. But I hope you like this and I hope you will give me some feedback (review!).

Thankyoouuuu!

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The second Castle and Beckett arrived back at the precinct, Ryan ran towards them immediately. "Hey guys," he said, panting. "Guess what. There's no witnesses. Everyone has been questioned."  
"What?" Kate frowned, not believing what she'd just heard.  
"Can I just ask you one little something?" Castle emerged as well, trying to be subtle now - for once.

"Yeah sure."

"Alright. You said you questioned everyone. But who is everyone if there weren't any witnesses?"

Ryan looked as if his brains had just had a short circuit: his jaw had dropped and some kind of an unhealthy sound came out of his mouth.

Kate rolled her eyes. "No one has seen anything, Castle. Don't try to be smart."

"I'm not trying, I can't help _being_…"

"Ssht!" Kate snapped, one finger in the air. "So, do we have another lead? Surveillance footage maybe?"

"Nope."

"Nope?"

"Everything in our murder zone is missing."

"What?"

"Yes."

Kate looked as if he was crazy. "So we have a murder at Times Square. An ordinary, pretty much invisible woman. Yet important enough to bribe all the witnesses - or whatever - and steal the surveillance footage."

Ryan was thinking for a sec, then nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Do you even realize what you're saying?"  
"Yeah, I do. I know it's weird, but maybe…"

"Weird? That's what you call it? There's something not right about this, Ryan. Do another check on all the non-witnesses, and focus on the details this time." She was getting pissed, Rick noticed. He didn't know whether it was him to blame, or the case. He guessed a good combination was the best possible combination.

"Castle?" she said, when Ryan had obeyed and started doing what he was told to do, "You can go home. There's nothing you can do here now. I'll call you if something pops up."

"What are you gonna do, then?" he protested, feeling there was not much he could do to make her change her mind.

"Paperwork," she answered grumpily.

"Can't I just watch you?" He smiled. "I like watching you do stuff."

She looked up at him and snorted a little. "No, Castle. Go home. Go see Alexis. Maybe you can cheer her up."

"Maybe I can cheer you up."

"No!" she said, getting frustrated. She immediately felt guilty for yelling at him. "No, you can't. I wish you could, but I can't really concentrate with you around."

"Why are you so upset with me?" he asked.

"I'm not upset."

"Well, you look upset."

"I'm not."

"But if you were upset, you would tell me, right?"  
"I'm not!"

"But if you were?"

"It doesn't matter, because I'm not upset!"

He suddenly felt the weird déjà vu feeling (season 2, ep. 3) coming up and stopped arguing for a second.

"Well, alright then. If you say so." He looked a bit lost and then found his way back to the elevator.

"Tomor… Oh, wait. Hopefully: this afternoon!" He smiled at her one last time and she did her best to return the best smile she could, but she alright knew she had failed, judging by his sigh for reaction.

"Gooood morning," Castle walked in with a little too big of a smile for Alexis to handle. The smile she gave him in return once again broke his heart and he wanted more than ever to give her friends a good punch in their faces.

"Did you just wake up?" he asked.

"No, I awoke at 8 already, but I stayed in until 10. I was thinking. 'bout everything."

"And did you figure something out?"

She shook her head. "I kept ending up at dead ends. Eventually I just got out of bed, because I would've gone crazy if I'd stayed in a minute longer."

He didn't really know what to answer to that, so eventually he just said. "You wanna watch a movie?"

He made her smile - just a little, but it was good enough for him.

"Actually, I'd like that, yes."

Castle picked up his phone when it rang. It was already 5 p.m. It was almost getting dark outside. "Hey, Castle. We just got Lanie's test results, are you coming?"

"Yes, I'm on my way." He gave Alexis a kiss on her forehead, said bye to his mother, who just walked into the loft, and headed towards the parking garage.

"Hey," he said, panting a little when he walked into Beckett. She gave him a little smile and they both got into the elevator to the morgue. When Castle realised it was just the two of them in a confined space for 30 seconds, he grabbed his chance and started kissing her.

But this time, they kissed for like 5 seconds - and it wasn't even hot like it had been before, it was cold and without the love they had shared before - and then she pushed him away. "Cas, someone might actually come into the elevator."

"When are we going to tell people anyways? I mean, we can't be hiding it for ever."

"I know. Soon, I think. Just not yet," Beckett answered, avoiding her piercing stare.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not…" She stopped in the heat of her sentence and bit on her lip, as if she was trying to punish herself for almost saying the words, but not quite.

"What?"

"I'd rather we wait."

The elevator door dinged and Castle felt empty. As if she had just broken up with him.

"Lanie, what did you find?" Beckett walked into the morgue as quickly as she possibly could, to get rid of him and the conversation, he guessed.

"The person who killed her, was a sniper."

"A sniper?" she repeated.

"Yes. A killer from a distance, you know?" she explained sarcastically.

"Yes, I know what a sniper is!"

"Don't have to get pissed, Kate." Lanie looked at her friend again. "What happened?"

Kate avoided her look as well. "Nothing. Found anything else?" It looked as if she was trying to get out of the morgue as soon as possible and to avoid everyone involved.

"Yes, her wallet with I.D. and a little cash. Nothing that indicates any kind of assault, or anything else for that matter. It's kind of a boring victim, really," she said, almost sounding disappointed.

"Except she was shot at Times Square by a sniper and no one saw anything," Kate realised.

"Except for that, yeah."

"But do you know if it was actually aimed at her, or was it random?" Castle asked. He frowned, in deep thought.

"I don't know, I can't tell."

Kate pulled a frustrated face. "Alright. Thank you. Well, call me if you find anything else."

"Alright, I will."

Kate was already out the door, before Castle noticed she was walking.

"What's up with her?" Lanie asked him, in a pointless effort to find out what was going on.

"Dunno," Castle answered, but judging by the look on her face, she knew he was lying.

Castle quickly followed Kate towards the elevator, but he was a little too late. The doors were closing again, and he managed to see the look in Kate's one more time before the doors were completely closed.

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I want to apologize in advance: I know it took me a long time before I could put write and put up this chapter. Hope you enjoy in anyway!

Love,

Sharon

Rick stood in the elevator on his way up to the apartment. It had been a long and very confusing day. The body had been exhaustingly weird, yet exciting and then there was Beckett, who had acted weird. Like… she didn't want him anymore.

He swallowed at that thought.

What if they had moved too quickly? What if it had been too soon? Or maybe she realized it wasn't gonna work anyway, so she pulled away from him.

Deep in thought, he walked into the living room, not even noticing Alexis was there as well.

"Hey Dad," she said in a soft, sweet voice.

"Oh, hey. I'm sorry. I was… thinking."

"That's alright. How was it?"

He smiled and sat down next to her at the kitchen table. "It was… alright."

"You don't sound so convinced," she noted.

"Well, I'm not. It's just… I don't know." He didn't feel like he was meant to tell Alexis his relationship issues. It was too private in a way. Not that he would hold any secrets from Alexis, but sometimes, for the sake of a healthy father-daughter relationship, it was better for her not to know too much.

"Beckett?"

"Yeah," he said. He stared sadly ahead of him.

"Dad, why don't you tell how you feel?"

"I have already. But… I don't know. She didn't seem to respond too well."

"I know that this might not be my place to say, but I do think she cares about you, Dad. Really. Why won't you talk to her?"

"I might… talk to her. Just not now. She needs her rest."

"It's eight o'clock. I'm sure she's not asleep just yet." She smiled at her Dad and then walked upstairs to her room.

He was alone in the room for a while, considering the option to go visit Kate, but he wasn't sure yet. Then Martha walked down the stairs.

"I can see it in your eyes. It's either Alexis or Kate you're worrying about."

He smiled. "This time it's not Alexis, for once. She seems to be feeling alright today."

"I noticed that, too, yes. She's a strong girl, you know. Those girls at school can't bring her down with one blow."

He smiled a little in pride, but somehow he looked so sad to Martha. Like he was proud of her fighting the fight he didn't want her to fight.

"But how about Beckett? What happened to make you look like… this?" She gestured towards his entire appearance.

He straightened his back and started offending himself. "What do you mean, this? I don't look that bad, do I?"

"You could never look bad, but I've seen you look better before. Shine more, like you actually enjoyed life," she told him.

"Hm," he just said and thought for a second. "Beckett and I were doing great for a day. But today, she just started acting like she didn't want to be with me anymore. Like she was about to break up with me."

"And you don't know why?"

He shrugged. "Wish I did, though. Would make things easier." He sighed, looking and feeling exhausted.

"Maybe you should ask her."

"But I don't feel like we're in that kind of place yet. Where we can tell each other everything."

"You might actually lose her if you don't."

He looked up at her in shock. He had thought about that, but hearing it from his somehow wise mother managed to shock him deeply.

"I'm not saying you will, I'm just saying you might. Because I think you will just grow further apart if you go on like this. You notice she's acted strange, she is acting strange for a reason, I assume, and because of that you will soon have nothing to talk about anymore and there will just be some awkward silences."

"But what if she doesn't want me? What if she changed her mind?"

"I don't think she has. But I don't think that makes you feel any better, so think about this: there was nothing between you guys in the first place and you were hurting everyday when you came home, so what is there to lose?"

"Her."

"I know. I know. But trust me in saying this: I think the reason you're so afraid to lose her is because you care so much for her. What if that is her reason too? I think that she is desperately afraid to lose you, even though she won't admit it. I bet that's the reason she is acted like this."

"She's afraid to be loved, so she decides not to be loved?"

"She's afraid to _lose _the ones she loves, so she decides it'd be better not to love anyone."

He looked at her, knowing almost for sure it was complete nonsense.

"I don't know."

"Go talk to the woman. Go. Now."

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can. Even better, you have no choice."

Rick looked at his mother, not knowing what else to say, then grabbed his coat and decided he was not gonna be the coward this time.

He knocked on her door, his nerves racing through his body, making it shake slightly. His mind was racing, trying to find exactly the right words but simply being unable to.

"Hey," Kate opened the door. "Castle, come in." Her smile was slightly disappointing - she didn't seem too happy to see him.

"Hey." He walked in, took a deep breathe and started talking. "I was wondering, do you have some time to talk?"

Kate nodded. "Yes, of course." She was glad she sounded braver than she felt. "Do you want a drink?" She walked towards the fridge. "Or wine, maybe?"

"No, thanks, I'm good."

She closed it again. "Alright, then. What do you want to talk about?" she asked, even though she was already sure of the answer.

"I wanted to ask you something."

She nodded. It was probably meant to be encouragingly, but it didn't feel like that.

"Is there something wrong? 'Cause I feel like… you're pulling away a little."

"No, nothing's wrong," she lied, not wanting to explain the actual reason.

"I was afraid you were gonna say that."

She bit her lip and looked down, feeling caught somehow.

"I know you know what I'm talking about, Kate. I just wish you'd… open up to me."

She shook her head in denial.

"It's not gonna work like this, you know," he said, getting angrier with the second. Why. Won't. She. Talk?

It was silent.

"Tell me, what's going on?"

"I don't know, you tell me!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She shook her head once again.

He took a deeper breathe. "I don't even know what I'm doing here. I drove here all the way. I didn't know why you're acting like this. I just wanna know. You don't think I deserve to know?" he rattled, and he knew it.

"I do think you deserve to know. Don't think that I don't think you deserve to. I just think… Maybe this isn't gonna work, Rick."

"What? What do you mean? A couple of days you told me you wanted to be in this relationship. And now? You're not even willing to fight for this."

"It's not supposed to be a fight to be together."

"Let me rephrase: you're fighting the relationship. That's why we're fighting."

She looked up at him and closed the distance between them. There was two feet between them.

"What did I say that wasn't good enough? What did I do?" His sudden despair was audible in his voice.

"You didn't do anything that wasn't good enough, Rick." All of the sudden she ran her hand through his hair and all of his anger had gone away. "I'm just… afraid."

"What for?" he whispered. He put his hand gently on hers. This fight had suddenly taken an unexpected turn.

"For this. I don't want to fight. Don't want to be this close to you. And yet all I want to do is be with you all day. All week. But I'm afraid."

He looked at her for a second.

She let out a laugh and dropped her hand. "You think I'm stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid. Come on. Go on talking."

She smiled at his encouraging words and gestured they could sit down on they couch.

"Er. Well, I realised that I was way too close to you when you told me, in the car, that you wanted me to be your last first time. That scared me so bad." He remembered that moment very well, and now tried to see it through her eyes. "And I realized that if you just wanted to get rid of me at a certain moment, like you did with your first two wives, that you'd leave me broken. And I don't think I can handle that."

"I won't break your heart."

"I know that's what you think right now. But can you be a 100% per cent sure that you will feel the same way ten years from now?"

He held his mouth shut for a second, carefully sorting out his words. "I can't. But I can tell you this right now, Kate. I love you. I love you like I've never loved anyone before. I love you right now, and I will always love you. I can't say that I will never break your heart, but I bet you can't say either that you'll never break mine. But I want to take the risk to start a relationship with you. Because I think that what we can have could be the greatest thing I'll ever have. But I need you to feel the same way. I need you to be willing to take that risk as well. So, right now, I'm gonna tell you: I love you, Kate. I'm begging you to take a risk. For me?"

Ha ha, cliffhanger ;)

Hope you enjoyed this! I loved writing it, though I wrote it very quickly. Probably a lot of mistakes as well :/

But _please_ review!

Love,

Sharon

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	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

AN:

Hey guys,

It's been a while - again - I know, but I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Not exactly a cheerful chapter, but I hope you enjoy this one.

I've been editing and editing and editing more, because it didn't feel right at first. I didn't want to post it, but I hope it will work out now. Let me know what you think.

Love,

Sharon

She was silent for a while. Castle's heart was beating heavily, driving him crazy. Her eyes looked away from his, causing him to sigh.

"I want to, believe me! I just don't know if I can."

"Why?" he asked. "Why can't you just… take a leap of faith and go with it?"

"Because I can't! I've never done that in my life."

"You're afraid to commit to someone. To anyone."

"Hell I am!" Her voice was getting hoarser by the second, her eyes looked scared and restless. "I can never trust anyone completely, because of what happened."  
"What about your Dad?"

"Well, it's not like I'm actually really close to him. I might trust him, for all that he knows about me."

"But he knows everything, right? He knows how hard you took - take - your mother's murder."

"He does know that. But he's never really… seen, you know. He's too blinded by his own grief."

Castle opened his mouth, but shut it before words could escape. He wish he would have known, would have looked further than simply observing and immediately jump to conclusions.

"I guess that's why I can't. I lost my mother."

"Kate, I know you think is about your mother, but people lose their moms every day. It's really tragic, but usually people survive and move on. This is not about your mother anymore, this is about the case. You need this in your life." He looked surprised at his own revelation and sudden honesty.

"What d'you mean, Castle?" her voice grew stronger and he knew he was getting into her soft spot.

Even though she was trying not to show it, he could see he hurt her by saying that. Saying that she should just move on from her mother's death. That she was basically overreacting. Her eyes spoke to him; she was screaming from the inside with pain.

"I mean that… you don't know the world without your mother's case. It does not only keep you busy, it controls you. And eventually, it'll consume you. And you're just too blinded with 'I need justice', that you can't see. You can't see anything."

Something inside of her snapped. She couldn't believe her own eyes. "I don't… Castle! I gave up my life for her! I dedicated it to her, 'cause it's important to me. I need to finish this. I can't just quit."

He tried to smooth her in a way. "She wouldn't have wanted this for you."

"You don't know her. She's dead, Castle. She'll never come back."

Kate looked into his eyes, deeper than usual - her stare seemed to penetrate him. Her eyes were fierce, powerful and in any other situation, he would have been dead scared of her. But now? He wasn't scared at all. He wasn't afraid to lose, whatever it was they were having. He couldn't look away.

"I know she's dead," he simply said.

Kate waited. "That's all you gotta say? Really?"

"What else is there left for me to say?"

Kate scoffed. "Whoa. You really are a master of words, aren't ya?" She looked away this time at the wall, like she was afraid she was either gonna yell at him or cry if she would look him in the eye.

How dare he say this? How could he act like he knew her, or her mother, at all? How could he even say that she needed to stop? She didn't want this; she didn't want any of it. She would have given up anything to get her mother back, but she couldn't. She was a cop. It was her duty to not quit. It wasn't even a case of "I want it or I don't", it was destiny. She was _meant_ to finish this. Whatever the cost.

"What do you want me to do to convince you? Say it and I'll do it," he pleaded, desperately.

"Are we talking about us or my mom's case now?"

He thought that over for a second. "Both."

"You can't. I'm not ready. I need to find her killer and solve this, first. I hope I'll be ready then. Cas, I can't be happy if I let her down. Not with you, not with anyone. That's because I don't feel complete. I think I would if only the guy was behind bars."

Castle felt himself starting the shiver. He didn't really know where it came from. He suddenly became really emotional. "I'm afraid too, you know that?"

She frowned at him and he grabbed her hand and squeezed it, quite hard.

"I'm so afraid of losing you. It's the reason it took me two years to tell you this. It wasn't easy, coming to you. Here. Now. And a couple of days ago. But this is harder.

"These guys are bigger than you think they are. They're not good guys, Kate. If you ask me, they want you dead. You have to stop. It's the only way you'll be safe. If you get involved, you'll give them all the more reason to kill you as well. And I… I…" He stammered, tearing up a little. "I wouldn't survive going to your funeral. It would kill me."  
"I'm not gonna die…" She whispered, a little unsure and taken aback by Castle's small tears.

"Yes, you are! You're not gonna decide your own faith if you go on."

"I can handle them."

Castle's hand dropped. His eyes dried as he blinked. "Alright then. You're not gonna tell me you love me back. You're gonna run into their trap, ignorant of the consequences. You don't care if you leave me broken. In fact you don't care at all. I get it. But don't think you can knock on my door if you need me."

He walked straight to the door, without looking back. His heart felt as if had suddenly stopped pounding.

Kate could feel her own heart as well. It was a lingering pain, stinging in her chest. It felt like her heart had been ripped out and torn into pieces.

"_Kate?"_

"_Rick, is that you?"_

_His voice seemed to come from a far place. Somewhere beneath the ground._

_Suddenly he was there, in front of her._

_She couldn't help smiling. "Hey. I missed you. Where you been?" she asked. She noticed she was panting, but couldn't remember what she had done to make her pant._

"_I missed you too. But I can't tell you where I've been." His hand was warm, quite hot even, and he caressed her hair gently. His sweet touch make her shiver a little. _

"_Why can't you tell me?"_

"_Because I don't love you. Not anymore."_

"_Rick, what do you mean?"_

_His hand dropped and suddenly his smile disappeared. His face turned into an angry face, scaring her to death._

_He turned around and started walking away. She followed him, not realising where they were or where they were going._

"_Rick, please tell me. What have I done?" she sound desperate and pathetic. _

"_Nothing. I loved you, Kate, but I'm not gonna wait anymore. I have someone else now. I love her very much." He smiled._

_She started crying. "But I love _you_! Only you!"_

_He made a snorting sound. "Shame. I don't love you back." He walked away from her, in the opposite direction. This time she couldn't follow._

"_Rick, please! Don't go! Don't leave me!" _

"_I'm sorry. You're too late."_

"_Please, Rick. I love you, please!" She screamed, but he vanished. She tried to follow him, but he was gone. She yelled his name several times, but was answered with everlasting silence._

_He was gone. For good._

In the fresh morning air full of traffic honking noises and the temperature of the city already climbing up, Kate woke up. She sat up, in shock. Her dream had begun as a good one and ended as a very bad one. That seemed to be the pattern of the last couple of nights. She walked up to her windows and opened them in a routine. She felt like crap. She had never been a morning person, but it hadn't gotten any better through the years.

She yawned while walking into the bathroom, going over every detail in her dream. She kept hearing Castle's "_I'm sorry. You're too late." _in her head and it drove her crazy.

It started to sink in on her. What if this dream was going to be reality? Or: what if it already was?

She looked in the mirror and nearly didn't recognize the person looking back at her. _What had she done? _Two big tears escaped from her eyes. The night of her long conversation with Castle was now two days ago, and now the tears came. All of the sudden. It was like her dream was telling her the truth. Like she needed help to make her see that at last.

She suddenly screamed at herself and hit the mirror in front of her, breaking it into pieces. Her reflection wasn't what it used to be, what it had been two seconds ago. Her tears kept coming and it was impossible for her to stop. She had broken up with the love of her life. The one person she had ever really been in love with. And yet she had managed to screw this up as well. How the hell was it ever going to get better if she kept screwing things up? Now that she let him walk, how was she ever going to feel loved again?

How was she ever going to deal with her mother and what happened to her, now that she was all alone?

So…. Please review? =)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

AN: So, I've been really, really busy (and still am, by the way), which is why I haven't been able to write on this story as much as I'd like. At the end of June I will be able to write more often again, but until then: my weekly posts are probably going to be the only ones ;(

To keep you updated, I'm in the middle of a pretty crucial time of my school year. I'm a sophomore, or something that compares with that (because I don't live in the States). But anyways, I have about 25 tests in the next 15 days, so this is the time of the year to stress out completely.

What happened last time (because it's been a while…): Kate and Rick finished their conversation. Castle basically begged Beckett to trust him in saying that she could do it, that she would survive with him. But she insisted; she wasn't ready, she had to catch her mother's killer before she could move on.

Kate dreamed about losing Castle to someone else, which made her break into a million pieces.

"Morning." Ryan looked at Beckett. He frowned. "Are you O.K.? You look like you've been killed in your sleep."

Espo stopped looking at the murder board and looked at Beckett as well. "Twice," he corrected his colleague. "You look like you have been killed _twice._"

"Thanks guys," she reacted coldly.

"You're welcome." Ryan smiled. "But seriously, what happened?"

"Yeah, you can tell us. You can trust us." Espo assured her.

She gave them a look.

"Dude, that wasn't really reassuring, you know." Ryan shook his head.

"Well, you weren't either, because she doesn't trust you either." He returned.

Kate rolled her eyes and sat down on her chair. One look at the empty Castle-chair made her insides squirm.

"Is Castle coming?" Espo sat down on her desk.

"Don't think so." She pulled on some papers beneath Espo's butt - when that didn't work she yanked on them, freeing them.

"What's up with you? You seem… uptight."

"Well, I am. And annoyed, 'cause you're sitting on my desk."

"Come on, seriously. What's going on?"

"It's just… I don't think he's coming back. Not… yet."

"What happened?"

"We broke up."

His jaw dropped. "You… You were together?"

"For a couple of days. Look, Espo. Just go. I don't wanna talk about it."

She pushed him of the desk. He was still in shock. How did they manage to hide that, even if it was just for a couple of days? He felt somehow insulted, for the fact that they had managed to fool them all.

And now, they just broke up? Just like that? After two years spent trying to get together, they were sick of each other that quickly? But before he could ask her, she walked away without telling him where she was headed, but he could tell it was to avoid him and other upcoming questions.

"_This is Rick Castle, if you have anything to tell me, please leave a message, if you don't, please don't leave a message. To my fans, thank you for reading my books and you should call my book agent to…"_

Kate hung up when those words echoed through her head. She had called him countless times by now, but he would never pick up. What had happened? Since when had he stopped returning and answering her calls?

Oh well, she knew since when.

But how could he? There could have been something really important. Something tragic or devastating could have happened. Why didn't he pick up his damn phone?

She threw her cell on the seat next to hers in her car. She was alone and it was pouring in New York City. The parking was even more grey than it usually was and people were rushing, trying to find shelter beneath each other's umbrellas and each other's already soaked jackets, that functioned as some kind of improvised umbrella.

Kate exhaled and listened to her own breathing; it came out slowly, yet sounded uncontrollable. It seemed to become a habit of her own to sit in her car, all by herself, staring at other people. How they went on with their lives. How they kissed each other, caring about nothing else but today's bad weather. A parking lot was an easy rendez-vous place, and that's how it was often used.

She looked at herself in the wing mirror and was startled by the sight of herself. She promised herself then not to look in the mirror for the rest of the day and turned the radio on in order to break through the penetrating silence and sound of loneliness.

'_Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling…'_

She closed her eyes and grabbed the side of her chair with both hands.

'_Do you feel my heart beating_

_Do you understand_

_Do you feel the same_

_Or am I only dreaming…'_

She had always loved the song, but now that everything seemed to remind her of how alone she actually was, it seemed like everyone around her was happy and she was just so… alone. And it felt like it was never gonna change. It couldn't. She didn't even deserve it.

She pushed that last thought away immediately. She wasn't allowed to think like that. She couldn't become the insecure teenage girl now.

Something had to change, before this went into spiral. But what?

Her phone lit up and vibrated. She waited for a sec, then answered it.

"Beckett."

"Kate, hi."

She waited for a second. "Lanie?"

"Yeah, I know. She didn't expect to get a call from me, huh?"

"No, I didn't, actually," she answered, bluntly.

"Well… I was thinking: if you don't already have plans, then… I just wanna ask… Maybe you wanna go grab a burger or something? I could really use some company right now. The weather's all miserable."

Kate sighed with what sounded like relief. "Yeah, I would like that, yes. I'd love to, actually." She smiled a little, and felt like a teenage girl who just got a call from the most popular girl in school, asking her to come keep her company.

They met up at the closest hamburger bar and went inside right away.

"Jeez, what did we do to deserve this amount of rain?" Lanie murmured, questioning karma.

Kate laughed a little. "I don't know." But while she said that, she felt a stinging feeling coming up in her stomach.

They sat down on the table next to the window. They could see Central Parc. Kate stared outside, absentmindedly. The rain made everything look so dark and gloomy. Her own mood wasn't getting any better by looking outside the window.

"Okay. You need to tell me everything now. I heard from Esposito that you broke up? Seriously? What the hell, girl?" She sounded quite angry.

"Ssh! Would you mind talking a little louder, so everyone can hear us?" Kate whispered sarcastically.

"Alright, but then you have to tell _everything. _From the beginning till the end."

Kate sighed. "Okay." She started telling her, rattling about what had happened. About how they got together, about how they were together and about how they broke up. The only thing she let out of the story was how she felt about everything. But it wasn't too hard for Lanie to put 2 and 2 together, so she asked her.

"And now you're miserable."

"Well, it takes time to heal."

She snorted. "'course it does. But you didn't have to heal."

"What d'you mean?"

"Well, you hurt yourself this time! Why don't you let that man help you through everything?"

"Because I can't. Not now." She was shaking a little.

"Then what is it you want, Kate? Cry over him, every day? Wait until he doesn't wanna wait anymore? Till he's moved on?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what?"

"I want to hunt my mom's killer down. First things first."

"You could be together to do that, you know."  
"But what if he gets killed in the process?"

Lanie was caught by surprise. She didn't think of that one.

Kate sat back and looked outside the window again.  
"So you're doing all this to protect him?"

Kate waited for a second, then nodded.

"Why don't I believe you?" She narrowed her eyes.

She shrugged. "Believe whatever you want."

"You know why? Because you're hiding behind that reason. The real reason is because you're afraid. You're so afraid to lose people, that you keep them on a distance. But when you keep them on a distance, how are you ever gonna be loved?"

Those harsh words made Kate tear up. She could've started crying, she could've thrown everything out on the table, but all she did was stand up. "Never mind. I'll go eat by myself. I've got work to do anyway." She murmured and started walking away.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! You won't get rid of me that easily."

Kate turned around. "Yes, I will." She shot her one last dark look and walked away.

At that very moment, her phone vibrated in her pocket. It was Ryan.

"Ryan's calling me. Why would he call me now?"

"The only way you're gonna find out is to answer that." Lanie answered her sarcastically.

"Beckett."

"Hey, Beckett. I'm sorry to call you…" Ryan was panting, and it sounded like he was running.

"Are you O.K.? What are you doing?"

"I just wanted to let you know… I mean, I don't know if you still wanted to know, but…"

"Ryan, what's wrong?"

He sighed, then talked very quickly. "Castle was shot. He's been brought into the hospital."

Kate heart stopped beating for a small second and her whole body felt numb right away.

"I'll be right there," she said in a voice that must've been barely audible.

She turned to Lanie. Lanie stopped drinking her iced tea right away and asked what was wrong. Kate, instead of answering, starting walking towards the door. She opened it and felt the cold rain on her face. The walk towards the car felt like it was unnatural, like she had just traded her legs for a new pair.

When she started the engine, she heard the door slam next to her. It was Lanie; she had come to support her. But she couldn't smile in return. She couldn't say anything, either. All she could think of was Rick. He might be dying and she might never have the chance to say what she had wanted to say for so long.

So, I hoped I have enjoyed you for a couple of minutes, ha ha. This was a long post, to hopefully make up for not posting for sooooo long.

But anyway: Have a nice day, wherever you are in the world!

Love,

Sharon


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

AN: Soooo, there's no way to explain or apologize for not posting anything in so long! Except, maybe that I've been studying from 7 a.m. till midnight, with a couple of tests squeezed in between as well. I've been crazily busy the last couple of weeks, but I'm back! Till September, at the least, because that's when my school will start again.

Enjoy!

The endless corridor seemed to be similar to the last one they walked/ran through. It was all white and Kate was fighting back her tears and feelings so hard, that everything around seemed blurry and unstable.

Lanie couldn't really keep up with her tall friend and she was falling behind.

Kate talked to the first nurse she ran into, because she couldn't run any further or she'd faint. "I need… Where's Richard Castle?" she said, quite rudely.

"Ma'am, please sit down. You look really pale."

"I don't wanna…"

"Relax, relax, it's gonna be fine," she said reassuringly.

"No… IT'S NOT FINE! Dammit!" Kate yelled at the nurse, a complete stranger. But she looked like she hadn't expected so much sound could come out of a body that exhausted, but she pulled it together quickly.

Lanie ran up to them. "What's going on?" she asked Kate.

"I need to find Castle - where is he?" she asked, sounding desperate. "Please, ma'am? Could you please tell me where Richard Castle is? _Please?_"

"I can. But you can't visit him. He's in surgery."

Kate's heart dropped and smashed on the floor. "How's he doing?"

"He's fighting for his life."

She could feel her heart break into a thousand pieces. Her legs lost their power and she sat down on the floor and stretched her legs. She closed her eyes and tried really hard not to cry in this public place.

"Do you want me to help her, give her something to drink?" the nurse asked, unsure what to do in this situation.

"No, thank you, I'm a doctor myself. We'll be fine. But could me please inform us if something happens?"

"Of course, I will." She smiled at Lanie and then walked away.

Lanie sighed and sat down next to Kate. "It's gonna be fine, you know…"

"No, it's not! Don't you get it? I did this to protect him. To keep him away from the shootings. But it didn't. He got shot anyway. And if he dies today, then the last thing I said to him was that I couldn't be with him. The last thing I'll remember is that he hated me."

"He'd forgive you."

"You don't know that." Kate's tears kept rolling and rolling now. Her voice became unsteady as well. It never did, Kate always managed to control her emotions. But not this time; this time was like Lanie had never seen her before.

"You haven't seen the last look he gave me. The coldness in his eyes…" Remembering those blue she loved so, made her cry, knowing that they might never see any light again, just emptiness.

"He'd _always _forgive you."

Kate didn't know what to answer. She just didn't whether he thought it was unforgivable or not. How could she have said now was not the time? When was it ever? How could she have been so blind, so stupid? She had cared more about her mother, who had been dead for a decade, then for the man she was in love with. Madly in love with. And she realized it now, now that he was dying too, that she couldn't live without him? It was exactly the same as with her mother: when she died, she suddenly became much more important to her.

She stood up. "I'm gonna to the bathroom. I'll be back." She walked into the bathroom without looking back at Lanie. She leaned on the sink and threw as much water in her face as she could, screwing up all of her make-up. Even though it was really refreshing and made her feel more numb than she already was, but she couldn't stop crying.

After fifteen minutes or so, she walked back to Lanie, but she'd gone. Somewhere… Maybe there was news? Her heart started pounding again, after 45 minutes or not moving at all. She walked towards the counter, but there was no nurse behind it. "Hello? Anyone?" She walked around it and started to panic a little. Castle might be saying goodbye or something right now and she wasn't even there.

"Kate? You O.K.?" Lanie walked slowly up to her, followed by the nurse.

"Is Castle O.K.?" she asked immediately.

"He is. Are you?"

She exhaled, feeling a big something falling of her shoulders. "I am now. Can I see him?"

"He's resting, you'd better wait," the nurse filled her in.

Kate suddenly felt exhausted. "Can I please just see his face? I just wanna see his face, that's all I want."

The nurse sighed and smiled a little. "Come on, then. But you have to be really silent. You shouldn't wake him up."

Kate nodded and they reached the room. She looked over her shoulder and noticed Lanie hadn't followed. She looked at the nurse and simply said, "Thank you."

She entered the dark room. The little light that was there came from under a curtain and was just about enough to estimate where the bed should be. Kate walked towards it, slowly, noticing his legs under the sheets. She wanted so bad to touch him and cuddle on the bed against him, it hurt her not to allowed to.

Once she could see the shape of his face, she was glad it hadn't changed. it just looked really peaceful. His eyes were closed and he looked relaxed.

"Hey, Cas," she whispered. It was weird, talking to him, keeping her voice just low enough so he couldn't hear her.

"I just wanted to tell you goodnight. And I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm sorry." She repeated. She touched his cheek gently, and found out he was actually warmer than she was.

"I love you." Her voice was even more of a whisper. She smiled, while crying in silence. She stood up and looked at his face one more time before walking out of the room. She could swear he was smiling. But that couldn't be, could it?

Could it?

O.K. I'm not going to promise to write every single day, because I probably can't. But I will definitely write more often from now on. I think 2/3 times a week would be a fair promise, right?=D

Love,

Sharon


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

AN: I'm promoting a new story that I'm writing! Yay :D It's a cross-over between Gossip Girl and Titanic. Interested? Please read it:  s/8281068/1/To_making_it_count

The next few days Castle didn't wake up. He was still asleep and no one knew how long it would take for him to wake up. "It will probably take a couple of days," they were told, but there really wasn't anything more to tell.

Kate stayed at his side at all times, literally. She slept in the chair next to his bed, after begging the doctor for permission. She promised she would be more quiet than she had ever been and eventually he agreed. So she had been staring at Rick's closed eyes for the last 48 hours. She had slept a little, she had been reading and playing with her phone, but she couldn't concentrate on anything.

Alexis and Martha had visited him as well. Alexis had been crying and eventually had to be dragged out of the room. It made everyone around her very sad and worried to see her like that. She was just such a sweet girl and it really made you question humanity to see such a good person in that much pain.

On the third day she was beckoned by the doctor, who was standing by the door. On the corridor, Ryan and Espo were waiting for her.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Great," she answered sarcastically. "What's wrong, guys?"

"We… err… We have been trying to find the guy that shot Castle."

Kate sighed. "I can tell by your face: you came up with nothing."

"Well… Not nothing. We found something and we had a suspect. But he alibied out," Ryan tried to defend himself.

"Yes, that's the same as nothing, bro," Espo corrected him.

"Kind of. But thanks for coming anyway," Kate said and she turned around to walk back into the room.

"Wait." Ryan grabbed her arm to prevent her from going back in.

"What?"

Ryan looked anxious, all of the sudden. "How is he?"

She shrugged. "Nothing's changed. He's asleep."

"K." He murmured, sounding slightly relieved, though she couldn't figure out why.

"O.K.?" she asked before turning to re-enter the room.

She walked into the really dark room and every noise she had heard two seconds ago, disappeared when she entered. She sat down on the chair and grabbed the book that she was reading.

"Hmpf…" she heard suddenly. She was startled by the sudden noise and jumped to her feet. She quickly pushed the button to call the nurse, when she realized Castle was opening up his eyes for the first time.

"Castle…" she whispered.

"Beckett?" His voice was really hoarse.

"I'm here, Castle. Just relax. Everything's gonna be fine."

He looked like he wanted to say something more, but like he wasn't able to move his lips anymore.

Just that second, the doctor walked in, followed by some nurses.

The next couple of hours Beckett had to wait again. Her eyelids were almost closing and she found her body drained of energy, from all the emotional stress that she had been put under.

It was until after midnight that Kate heard a small whisper coming from the bed. "Kate?" he said.

Kate was wide awake, all of the sudden.

"I'm here," she said, trying to hide her excitement. She was excited to be able to talk to him again. Her heart was pounding and she grabbed his hand.

Castle looked down at their united hands. "You have to fill me in here: are we together again? Did I lose that part of my memory?" he said pretty harshly.

"No, we're not together." Kate swallowed. "Castle, I wanna apologize to you. I was stupid. I thought I was protecting you by keeping you out of my life. I thought I couldn't be with you, because it scared me that I'd lose you forever."

Castle looked at her in his fullest concentration, though she wasn't sure he registered everything she was saying. "Yes."

"And now I almost lost you forever. And all I could think of was how I never got the chance to just be with you. Just, simply be with you."

"You did get that chance, you know." He talked, but winced as he did.

"I'm sorry." Kate jumped of his bed and let go of his hand. "Go back to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."

"No, no, I wanna finish this talk - it's important," he said firmly. She was surprised at how steady he actually sounded.

Kate hesitated, but sat down on the edge of his bed once again.

"You got that chance," he repeated, to remind her where the conversation had left of.

"I guess I thought I would get a second chance. You have always been there for me. I didn't think you'd ever leave. It was only when you did that I realized I really couldn't live without you anymore."

Castle smiled a little. He was silent. She wasn't sure she was supposed to say something, but he made the choice for her. "I missed you."

Kate sighed in relief. "Is that an 'apology accepted'?"

He grinned. "I guess."

She stared into his eyes, almost invisible because of the dark. "I missed you, too."

He grinned again. "I wish I could kiss you now."

"I can kiss you," Kate offered.

His smile widened.

"But you have to rest. You are healing." She jumped of his bed.

"Hey," he protested weakly. "I can handle a kiss."

"I'm not sure you can. Goodnight, Castle."

"This is unfair. I can't do anything to defend myself here."

Kate grinned and walked back to Castle. "Kidding, sweetie," she said. She stared into his eyes for a second, then pressed her lips on his so gently, they could barely feel it. But it was powerful enough to linger on his lips for a long time.

Kate smiled. "Sleep well." She caressed his cheek and sat back down on the chair. Castle stared at the ceiling, dreaming about the girl sitting next to his bed.

Kate looked at the side of his face in the small stream of moonlight. For the first time in a long time she could feel huge butterflies flying up and down her stomach. She grinned. She felt like a careless teenager in love.

Liked it? Didn't like it? Please review =D


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Thank you for the people that reviewed! And welcome to my new readers :D

Alexis knocked on the door of the hospital room. "Hey," she said.

"Hey Alexis." Kate gave her a big smile. "Come in, please."

"Yeah." She looked nervous, for some reason. "I'm sorry, Kate, but could I please be alone with my father for just a minute?"

Kate didn't respond for a moment, frozen, and then she came back to life and muttered. "Right. Sure. I'll be right outside if you need me."

Neither of them answered. Rick watched how Alexis approached the bed, not knowing what to expect. She seemed really nervous about saying what she was about to say.

"Hey honey, how are you?"

Alexis ignored her Dad's question and looked up at his face. "I'm sorry in advance, but I have to say this." She swallowed, trying to swallow the nerves, but it didn't work.

"You're scaring me." He grinned, trying to diffuse the tension between them a little.

"You should be getting scared. This is serious."

He stopped grinning and tried to look as serious as he could. "O.K. You've got my full attention."

She sighed, as if to prepare herself. "Well, what were you thinking, Dad? Do you think this is a joke? You're not Superman, you don't have supernatural powers and you sure as hell don't have nine lives." Once she started, she kept rattling on. "Do you know what I felt like when I heard you were shot? I felt my whole world collapsing, like nothing would ever be the same. I'm too young, only 17, to lose my Dad already. I want you to see me grow up, I want you to be there when I graduate. I can't lose my Dad, I wouldn't know what to do without you. 'Cause you're my father and I'd miss you _so_ much."

She stopped, inhaled and waited for her Dad's reaction.

To say he was surprised, was an understatement. He hadn't seen this one coming. He couldn't recall his daughter ever being so mad with him - or with anyone, really. Not like this. She clearly had been wanting to say this for a couple of days and she might have even been practiced this speech for quite a while now.

He could tell she was holding back her tears now. He'd do anything to give her a good hug, but he could barely move without every inch of his body scream with agony. She looked so alone and helpless and he couldn't believe that was his fault.

"But… what do you mean? I didn't want to be shot." His voice wasn't more than a mere whisper.

"Dad, you're around criminals and cops and bad guys every day. It's almost a miracle that a non-cop could have _not _been shot to this day."

"What are you implying? That I should stop?"

"Yes! Well, you should reconsider this. I can't lose you…" Her voice broke as she came closer and placed her hand on his cheek.

"I can't stop."

"Why?"

"We're in the middle of a case. And there's a guy that shot me. We've got to catch him, before he shoots other innocent people. Other cops."

Alexis sighed and dropped her hand. "Do you hear what you're saying now?"

"What d'you…"

"Firstly, 'other cops'. You're not a cop, Dad! You have got to stop believing that! Just because you keep pretending that you are and you keep saying you are, it doesn't make you one. And secondly, you really expect me to believe this all has got nothing to do with the fact that Beckett's also a cop? Well, trust me in this: she would probably miss you if you'd leave, but if she knew why, she'd understand."

Her father looked into her blue eyes. They seemed sad, yet strong. He felt pride, but at the same time he felt like she was making him choose between Beckett and herself. "What if I don't wanna leave her side?"

"You think it's okay for me to worry whether you make it through the day or not?" she said harshly.

"I don't know, honey. But… I love her. I really think I do."

"I know you do," she said, her voice smoother and less angry than at first. "But I love you, too. And you can love her, just not do the job. Trust me, I really don't want to take your love away from you. But you're also my Dad and…"

"I know, sweetie, I know. I really understand you, I do." He grabbed her hand, wisely ending the conversation without arguing any further.

She smiled at him and he knew this was the end. Either it was the end of the cooperation between Beckett and him, or the end of the amazing relationship with his daughter.

On the corridor, Beckett was waiting, wondering when Alexis and Castle had finished the talk. She was wondering what it was about. Alexis hadn't seemed so upset in… ever. At least, from what Kate had seem from her.

And also, she hadn't even looked at Kate, which was somewhat alarming. It was like Alexis was mad at her, and Kate couldn't seem to figure out why. As far as she knew, Alexis didn't know about Kate and her father… er… _hooking up_.

When Alexis finally came out of the room, Alexis threw her a really small, forced smile, before she walked away fast. Kate stared at her as she walked away, her head down and not looking back.

"Castle?" she said as she came in, not completely unafraid of what had just happened in this room. "What happened? What'd she say?"

As she came in, Rick was smiling vaguely at her. She had to come closer to see what was wrong.

He was crying.

This was the first she ever saw him cry and it kind of caught her off guard. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay… What happened? Please tell me what she said…" She sounded kind of desperate.

He nodded, sighed and started reliving the conversation.

So, please review! It keeps inspiring me every time I read your sweet comments!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Enjoy!

And please review ;)

Please read my second story! s/8281068/1/To_making_it_count

Kate stared at Rick's face while he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful, and careless, especially in contrast with what he had been like two hours ago. He had told her about his conversation with Alexis and how he was afraid to lose the relationship with his daughter if he didn't stop working with her and risking his lives to help dead people.

She sighed.

She hadn't known what to say when he told her this. What can you say? Can you say Alexis was wrong? No. Can you say she had no right to say this? No. Was she in any way being unreasonable? Not really. She was just trying to protect her dad from getting hurt. She was just trying to make sure she still had a father tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after.

Kate tried to imagine what her work would look like without Castle there. She had worked for almost a decade before he ever came along, but now that she was trying to envision it, all she could see was images that looked a whole lot greyer, more boring and heavier. And empty, she noticed; like there was an obvious something missing.

Had she been selfish to keep him around? It wasn't the first she asked herself that, but with an 'outsider' giving a more objective look at the situation and a very clear opinion, she doubted she hadn't. In fact, she was feeling so bad, like she shot him herself.

She knew it wasn't a hundred per cent safe to keep _anyone_ around, but for someone who hadn't had years of police training and spent most days in his office, having the best, but unrealistically heroic fantasies, it wasn't in any way less dangerous. She had lured him into the most dangerous and life-threatening situations a couple of times before, and she'd do it again. There was no doubting that.

Therefore, she doubted it was right for her to try and convince Alexis to change her mind. Maybe it was better this way and maybe she and Castle should be together after 5 p.m. until 8 a.m. in the morning, instead of the other way around. Everything she didn't want to do, was put a strain on his relationship with his one and only daughter.

She was surprised at how peaceful he still looked. She didn't think she had ever seen him wear such an expression. She had seen him angry, worried, smiling, annoyingly childish (if that even qualified as an emotion), annoyed, laughing and happy, but she'd never seen him look so… careless. She wanted to touch him, listen to the sound of his breath up close and feel every part of her skin burn against his.

She shook the thought away. She wasn't going to think about that any time soon. He had just been shot, he was recovering. And besides, she knew she would feel guilty about simply kissing him right now, for some reason.

Kate stood up, glanced at the time on her iPhone - 1.46 a.m. - and walked out the door onto the corridor. She walked into the bathroom and grabbed a glass of water on her way back into his room. When she sat down and watched his face for another ten minutes, she decided eventually she was way too worried to waste her time attempting to sleep. She grabbed the novel that she was reading and continued reading.

It was around 5 a.m. when her exhaustion finally overcame her worrying and she fell asleep in a very uncomfortable position.

In the morning, around 7.30, when Kate looked as if she'd skipped a night or two plus a shower or two, the doctor came by. He checked Castle's reflexes and stuff that you normally saw on TV, but Kate didn't have the energy to analyse and understand what it was he was doing exactly.

"Well, I must say: You are recovering pretty quickly for a man your age."

Castle grinned. "Well, thank you for insulting and complimenting me in a single sentence," he joked.

"You're welcome." The incredibly handsome doctor smiled at Kate and she was still more asleep than awake, and far more asleep to realize he was flirting with her. Castle didn't seem to care either, or maybe he pretended not to see anything.

"If you're ready to go, then you are discharged."

"Seriously?" Castle seemed to cheer up, and his eyes sparkled like a 4-year-old who had just been told to get an ice cream later.

"Yes, seriously," he repeated, smiling. "But, I have to add, I have to warn you: you can't do anything too exhausting the next couple of days. You have to rest. But at least you can do that at home."

"Great. Are there papers I have to sign or something?" he sat up, tried to hide the fact that he actually winced. Kate noticed, but the doctor didn't seem to.

"Are you O.K.?" she asked as she stood up.

"Yeah, sure." He nodded and smiled briefly.

"Can you walk?" Kate stood and grabbed his hands as he tried to stand up. He wasn't as fast and flexible as he normally would've been, but when he stood, he could walk perfectly fine. A good 10-hour night of sleep did that to you.

"Great," the doctor noted. "Here are the papers. You have to sign here… And here…"

Castle did as he was told and gave back the papers. He shook the hand of the doctor and they took their time after the doctor left the room. Kate helped him to get back into his clothes and tried as hard as she could not to look at his naked body when he changed. Castle noticed she had a hard time focusing on putting on his clothes and teased her by touching her couple of times. She blushed when he did and it seemed to confuse her even more.

When he was dressed, they walked out of the room, Kate supporting him, and took the elevator down. It felt like forever since they'd felt the fresh morning air of New York City on their faces, and the feeling was absolutely irreplaceable.

Thank you for reading my story!

Please leave a review :D

Love,

Sharon


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

AN: I'm sorry in advance. This is a pretty short chapter, shorter than it usually it, but I didn't know where else to cut it off. The next chapter is going to be all about the case, so I felt this wouldn't mix. But anyways, I hope you like this chapter. This one is all about Caskett ;p

Love and enjoy,

Sharon

"Lie down, come on," Kate insisted. They were both sitting on the couch, but Kate attempted to push him down. "You can't go do something now."

Rick sat up a little. "I wanna watch TV!" he protested. "I need to sit up for that."

"No, you don't." She pushed him down. "You should just rest."

Rick sighed en lied down eventually. "Whoa. This is gonna be a boring few days."

"A week, I think. A week should do." She stood up and walked into the kitchen of Rick's apartment. She started cleaning up the dishes Alexis had left before she went of to school.

"Will you stay here with me?" Rick pleaded, his voice really soft.

She smiled at his plead. "Sort of. I will go back to work tomorrow. But after work I'll come straight to your house. I asked Martha if she could prepare an extra bed so I could stay the night, but she didn't answer yet."

"You could just stay in my bed." His grimace widened.

She grinned. "Of course I can." She put everything back where it belonged and walked back to the couch.

"Come sit with me?" he asked and he patted on little room that was left for her to sit on.

She nodded and sat down. As she stared at his incredibly handsome face, she grabbed his hand and started rubbing it gently. He smiled at her in return, as if to thank her. A mere smile like his could say so many things, she realized. She wanted to say something, to respond, but she almost couldn't speak, because of the way his eyes looked into hers. It was like he was reading her soul, but subtle enough it impossible for her to prevent it.

"I love you, you know that?" she said in the end. She forced herself to smile, as if she was paralysed and had to lift all of her muscles on command.

"I think I do, yes." He said. He squeezed her hand. "And I love you, too. I can't tell you how much."

"Why?" She'd said it before she could stop herself.

"Why?" he repeated, surprised by her question. "Why do I love you?"

She swallowed and hesitated, but then nodded.

"I love you because you're amazing. You're beautiful, you're every man's dream, you are stubborn and when you smile I feel like nothing wrong in the world. Is that what you're worrying about? That I can't love you because you're somehow not good enough?"

Kate turned her face away. "I don't know. I guess I never understood what guys see in me. I'm just another obsessive girl," she scoffed.

Rick squeezed her hand again, this time hard enough to make her turn towards him again. "Don't ever - _ever _- say that again in my presence. You just insulted the girl that I love. The girl that sadly doesn't see her own beauty enough. I don't know what I'd do without her. So don't try and make her feel bad about herself, because I love to see her happy and smiling." He seemed strict, as if mad with his own child.

Kate smiled weakly. "Thank you. I guess I needed that lecture."

"You're weird," he said. "I compliment you by telling you how much I love you and you turn your face away. I lecture you, and you thank me."

She bit her lip and smiled a little.

"Oh, please don't do that!" he said, trying to make her stop. "You're torturing me! You make me…"

She laughed loudly.

He smiled, as if he was successful. "I can't even kiss you. You won't let me."

Kate smiled and silenced him by putting her hand on his cheek. She stroked his face for a second and then leaned over his chest and kissed him. She was planning on giving him a quick, but lingering kiss on his lips - just his lips, but he locked his arms around her upper body, making it impossible for her to escape the kiss.

At first she tried pushing herself off of him, but after a few seconds she decided they'd better make the best out of it and they make like teenagers lying on the couch.

After a couple of minutes, Kate managed to push herself off, but she stayed there on the couch, lying next to him, while holding his hand.

Please review? And are you looking forward to the next chapter about the case? I just want to ask, this one time: what are you hoping to see the next (few) chapters?


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

AN: I am going to begin to explain where I've been the last couple of days: I went away for a couple of days, stayed with family and didn't get to opportunity to write as much as I would've liked. But now that I'm back again, I want to start with a longer chapter than normally, about the case and about Alexis. No Castle/Beckett this time, but I hope some other parts will make up for that.

_What happened in the case so far: _The case is about a murder on a young female, Amanda Caine, who was shot. Even though this happened on Times Square, there were no witnesses and the surveillance footage is missing. Castle was shot a couple of days later, and they feared it was the same shooter, which later became a probability

_What happened with Alexis: _Alexis has two best friends in school - Lauren and Natalie - and they acted weird about a week or two ago. They suddenly stopped being interested in sitting next to Alexis in class, and acted mean towards her. Alexis doesn't know the reason of their behaviour and feels excluded for no apparent reason.

Rick and Kate talked the rest of the day - and slept and slept, until it was 8 in the morning. Kate had to get up and get dressed. She made herself and Rick some breakfast and prepared herself for her day back. It had almost been a week since she'd last gone to work, because she had stayed at Castle's side in the hospital at all times. Even though Rick wanted to come with her, she eventually managed to convince it was better to stay in for just another couple of days.

In the meantime, Kate was planning on solving the case before Rick could return to 'work' with her. He made her promise to tell everything that would happen that day and she had no choice but to give in, because she knew the case was the reason he'd been shot.

At 8.45 she left the apartment after kissing Rick goodbye. She felt bad for leaving him alone, even though she knew Alexis and Martha were coming back soon. Yet she felt guilt, because she was the one leaving him unarmed and unprotected, while they still hadn't caught the shooter.

She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket as she stepped into the elevator. It was Ryan. She answered it. "Beckett," she said, swallowing her guilt as much as she could.

"Hey, are you coming today?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way."

"Good, 'cause we got a new lead."

"Great. I'll be right there."

"Hey Beckett." Ryan jumped to his feet, looking a little nervous.

"Hey guys," she said, greeting him and Esposito.

"How's Castle?"

"Better," she answered. "He needs rest, but he'll be fine."

Ryan nodded. He had 'I am guilty' written all over his face, for some reason Kate didn't understand.

"What's the lead you told me about?" she asked, putting down all of her stuff and her coat on her desk.

Ryan sighed. "Well," he looked at Esposito for support, but he ignored him, so Ryan went on. "We did some research on the guy. It turns out it's the same guy as the Times Square murder. It's the same shooter, I mean."

"That's kinda what I feared. That those two things were connected…" Kate murmured. "How did you find out about this?"

"Erm… Well… Ballistics." Ryan coughed.

"Yes, and there's something else," Espo added. He gave Ryan an encouraging nod.

"Well… We were stupid. We could've prevented the shooting."

Kate looked up at him. He wasn't sure what her expression meant. It was a mix of anger, surprise, angst and guilt. "Wha… How?"

Ryan took a deep breath and started to explain their situation to her. "A message was written on the bullets from the body of Amanda Caine - our Times Square victim. We overlooked that."

"But that's Lanie's job," Kate stated, confused.

Ryan looked a little ashamed and nodded. "Yes. Yes, it is."

It started to sink in. "Where is she?" Kate asked.

"Obviously. In the morgue."

Kate slammed the doors of the morgue open. "Lanie?" she called. Lanie turned around, looking quite nauseous.

"Ryan and Esposito told you everything, didn't they?" she guessed, judging by Kate's confused expression.

"Sort of. What can you tell me?" she asked, without really looking at Lanie.

Lanie sighed and began to tell her what she had found out. "I checked the bullets - as usually - and I came up empty. But when I looked closer - after Castle had been shot - I found a hidden message. It said 'give me 2 million dollars tonight at midnight. If you don't, I won't stop killing.' And then Castle's bullets said 'I warned you. Try to stop me now.' It took me so long to figure out because the message isn't written in letters, but in hieroglyphs."

Kate looked up in surprise. "Egyptian hieroglyphs?"

Lanie nodded. Normally she would've told Kate it was a stupid question, since hieroglyphs never were anything else than Egyptian, but she felt so guilty she couldn't say anything anymore.

"Why hieroglyphs, then? What's that got to do with murder and the case? And… Castle?"

"I don't know. But I do know that we have to watch out for this guy. He is probably planning another murder now, or already committing it." Lanie's voice was a little lower and unsteady than it normally was. Kate thought about that for a second, then nodded.

"Thanks, Lanie." Without giving her another look, Kate left the morgue. She decided it was better for herself and Lanie not to react on the fact that it might've been Lanie's fault that Castle was shot. She didn't know yet whether she actually considered it Lanie's fault and didn't want to think about that now. Right now, she needed to focus on the probable third not-yet victim, and she needed to do that fast, before he/she became an actual victim.

Inside their apartment, Alexis came in and hugged her father. She didn't think she'd ever been more pleased to see him and couldn't actually take her eyes off of him.

Those couple of days in which they had feared for his life had been excruciating. She had been _so _afraid of never getting to see her father again, she almost lost it. Seeing him here, lying on the couch was unrealistically amazing. Funny how the things we consider normal can seem so indispensable when we (almost) lose them, she thought.

"Do you want some tea?" Alexis offered, getting to her feet and walking towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

He waited until she came back with two big cups of damping tea in her hands. She sat down on the couch next to him and smiled. She enjoyed just watching her father watch her, for once.

"How are you?" he asked.

"How am _I_?" she repeated. "I'm great. How are you?" she returned, still smiling.

"I'm great. But that's not what I meant. I meant that you told me some days ago, how your friends… _left _you." He didn't know another word to describe it.

Alexis stopped smiling. "Yeah… well… Dad, I really don't want to worry you, you need to rest!" she said, and he didn't know whether she was protecting him or herself more.

"No. I want you to tell me," he said strictly. "You can trust me," he added and he touched her hand.

"I know I can, but… Okay then. But you have to go to sleep afterwards."

He nodded. "Deal."

"Well, remember that I told you Natalie and Lauren just said they didn't want me to sit next to them anymore? I told them a couple of days later to come and talk to me - privately. They agreed and I asked them why they were doing this to me. They just said… they said our friendship was over. When I asked them why, what I did wrong, they said I wasn't the type of girl they wanted to hang out with. That I'd better go somewhere else, because they didn't like me anymore. They had no reason to do what they were doing, but they did. Two days later they spread a rumor about me, saying I was…" She stopped for a second and then went on with a voice almost lower than a whisper. "That I was a slut for sleeping with Owen."

"You slept with…?" Rick sat up a little, only causing himself to wince and fall down again. "What? Did you tell them that? Did you…?"

"Dad, I didn't tell them anything! I decided not to, because I though it was private. And it was supposed to stay private, but they had already spread the rumor about me. After lunch break people were saying that I had already slept with three guys and the same day I heard you were shot. My world was falling apart, Dad." Her voice sounded as if a big clod made it almost impossible for her to speak. Tears started falling down her cheeks and once again broke Rick's heart and made him forget for a sec about the fact that Alexis, his little girl, was not as innocent anymore as he thought she was. "I didn't know what to do and Owen wouldn't return my calls anymore… If you had died that day and Grams maybe a couple years from now - because she's not too young anymore - I would've been all alone in this world. I'd have no-one left."

Hearing that, Rick had never felt worse for being shot. Even though it might not have been his fault - partially, at least - he couldn't help but feel like it was. He knew he couldn't say or do anything to make her change her mind, because he knew perfectly well that she was right. About everything. Even about his relationship with Kate, and how that effected her. But then again, he didn't know how to choose between her and his daughter, whom he loved more than anything in the world.

As a sign of affection, of compassion, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it, as if trying to assure her he'd never let go.

Hope you enjoyed that!

Will you please review?:D

Love,

Sharon


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

AN: I know. It took me a looooong time. But I hope you like this chapter, it's a little more thrilling than it usually is. No real romance-stuff this time.

I would like to thank the very few people that reviewed last time! But please, keep reviewing! I love to read to reviews so much, and it inspires me to write more.

Enjoy!

When Alexis retreated to her room, Castle picked up the phone immediately and called Beckett. Even though it might have been the exact thing Alexis had just told him not to do anymore, or sort of, he just felt like he needed to talk to her.

"Hey, Castle. How are you doing?"

"You don't need to call me Castle, you know. That's for people that don't know me very well," he grinned.

"Well, I'm doing my job. And I need to stick to my job."

"And calling me by my first name would be too informal for you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it would. But how are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?" he returned the question.

Even though Kate knew this sounded ridiculous, but she felt as if he was sort of playing with her. As if he was teasing at the time he was showing interest in her.

"Good. But I don't have much time, I need to go back to work."

"Right. Well, then explain to me what happened."

Kate cursed herself for promising that this morning. "I can't. I gotta go back."

"Will you tell me all about it this afternoon?" he pressed.

"I might not be able to get to your house after all. I'm probably working late." She felt herself getting caught up in a web of lies already.

"Kate, are you O.K.?" He showed his genuine concern and suddenly all of the teasing had left his voice and he sounded dead serious.

"Yes, I am. But I need to go. I'll talk to you later."

"O.K." he said. "Wait, Kate?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, remember that. And I trust you to do the right thing."

She didn't really know why he said that right now, but she couldn't help smiling. "I love you, too."

And with that, and a whole lot of guilt for lying to him, she hung up.

Kate was sitting at her desk, staring at the murder board. Even though there was so little information on it, they couldn't find any logic or pattern.

"Kate." Ryan came walking in. "We got a victim."

Kate's jaw dropped. Even though they were nowhere near finding the killer, she still felt like they could've prevented this second killing. And third attempt.

"What's the vic's name?" Kate asked Esposito, who was working on some files.

"It's a guy this time. His name is Pete Jackson, he was 44 years old, lived in Brooklyn and had a regular job at the local grocery store. He was found under the Brooklyn Bridge."

"Any witnesses?"

"None we have found so far."  
Kate frowned. "I just don't get it. How can this guy have no witnesses whatsoever? I mean, the Brooklyn Bridge and Times Square are the busiest places in New York. It's just… impossible."

"That's what this guy seems to be: impossible. And temporarily invisible."

"Maybe he's found the Invisibility Cloak after all," Ryan filled him in.

Espo nodded. "Fair enough."

"This isn't Harry Potter! People are dying around here."

"People are dying in Harry Potter, too, you know - O.K., I'll shut up," Ryan corrected himself, when Kate threw him the KILL-look.

Kate sighed, sort of relieved that she didn't have to yell at him any more. "Thank you. So, have we found any clues yet? Or any kind of connection between the victims?"

"Lanie's checking the body now. But it doesn't seem there isn't an obvious connection, we'll have to dig much deeper to find one."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Kate said.

Ryan and Esposito were silent for a second, then they walked in opposite directions to do whatever they were planning on doing - case-related, she hoped.

Kate walked towards to murder boards and altered some things with the information they had on the most recent victim. She checked every possible bit of information they had found so far, and checked the similarities. She came up empty. The only thing they had in common were the fact that they were both middle-class people in society. But so was the rest of New York, mostly, so that wasn't what you'd call a lead.

After ten minutes of staring at the board, Lanie came running in. "Kate, I was looking for you. I haven't examined the body fully yet, but I found this. I thought you might want to see it." Lanie panted heavily. She was clearly trying to make up for her minor mistake with major consequences, but Kate still didn't know whether to be angry or not. She handed her a piece of paper.

"What is it?"

"Read it, you'll know soon enough. I found it in the victim's pocket. This is a copy, though, I'm running the real piece of paper for finger prints."  
"O.K. Thank you for bringing it to me."

"You're welcome." She smiled a little. "I'll be downstairs if you need me." She quickly walked away.

Kate didn't watch her, she only looked at the piece of paper and she opened it. It was a really short message, typed out in a pretty big font.

TO: Detective K. Beckett

You know what I want, Kate. Don't try to escape me. Because you know I'll hurt him.

Be wise, detective. Don't act stupid.

Kate's breathing quickened. She read the letter again. It was like he knew what she dreaded most, and wanted to make it her reality.

Castle.

He was going to hurt Castle.

She texted Esposito as quickly as she could, even though she could feel that what she feared most, was inevitable. The thought of that was unbearable and broke her into tears already. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't see clearly anymore.

"AARGH!" she yelled, and gave herself about 20 seconds to recover from her little break-down.

She finished her text to Esposito, saying he needed to come to her as quickly as he possibly could.

After that, she called Castle, hoping he'd pick up. Hoping he wasn't already…

She shook her head. No. She needed to focus now. It wasn't going to help him if she was writing the worst-case scenario in her head already.

"Hello?" she asked, uncertain.

"Good afternoon, Beckett."

Kate could feel her world fall apart as soon as it wasn't the voice of Castle she heard, but the voice of someone else entirely. It was him. Her heart started racing and she knew what she said now, she would either praise herself for or regret for the rest of her life.

"Where's Castle? I want to speak to him."  
He made some disapproving sounds, as if she was a 4-year-old that had stolen a lollipop from her mother. "The magic word, detective. Tell me, what is it you want?"

"I'd like to speak to Castle, please? Is he O.K.?" she realized she sounded desperate.

In the precinct, Esposito came running in. "What's going on? Who are you talking to?" he asked, whispering. Kate quickly gestured that he should listen as well. She looked totally stressed out, with good reason, he was to find out later.

"Well, let's not rush, shall we? I would like to speak to you first." His voice sounded so insensitive, it almost made her question her strength and willpower that she usually was more sure of than anything else.

"I just want to know if he's O.K. Let me speak to him for a second, hear that he's doing just fine, and I'll talk to you."

"Oooh, so you're making the rules now? I don't think so." His voice turned from teasingly to icecold. "You don't get to decide what's going to happen to Castle and his lovely daughter, who is with him by the way, and you know why?" he was silent for a moment. Kate could see Esposito running several things on high-speed. "Because I'm pointing a gun right at their heads. So, if you would like, you don't speak to me like that. You do whatever I ask you to do, and if you don't, you'll hear a gun shot. Understood?"

Kate nodded, unable to get her voice to work.

"Understood?" he asked her more firmly.

"Uhm, yes, yes, I do."

"That's great, detective. I love working with cooperative people. They're so… obedient. I like that."

The joy and teasing in his voice had returned. It made Kate so sick, she wanted to throw up right there.

There you go. Cliffhanger :D

I kinda enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

Anyways, hope this makes you want to read the next chapter.

As always, review please!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

AN: Don't really have anything new to tell you ;D So, just start reading, I guess ;P

Enjoy!

"Detective, are you still with me?"

Kate took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on keeping her voice steady and controlled. "Yes, I am."

"Great," he said, excitedly. "Well, would you do me a favor?"

Kate surpressed her feeling to yell a big 'No' a him. "Of course."

"Oh, well, thank you. That's very nice of you. Very… generous."

"Always," she said. The reminder of the word 'always' made her wanna to cry, yell and throw things at the phone. But she didn't. She couldn't have.

"I'd like to bring me 2 million dollars. You have two hours."

"Two hours?" her anger took over now. "You can't expect I can get two million dollars in two hours! That's ridiculous!"

"It might be. But if you don't, you won't have a boyfriend in two hours."

Kate felt her rage coming up again, this time more than ever, and especially after he hung up the phone and she heard the _bleep-bleep _in her ear. How could he expect than to be able to just snap their fingers and _wham_: two million dollars? It was so incredibly stupid, that it seemed almost hilarious.

"What'd he say?" Esposito asked, while running all types of things on the number. He didn't even look up to here.

At that moment, Ryan came running in, with a "Wazzup?"-look on his face, but he'd find out soon enough what had just happened.

"He wants two million dollars. We have 2 hours. Or Castle dies. And Alexis, I think."

"Shit," Esposito.

Kate nodded. "Yes, that's right. It's… shit. But we gotta find a way to get that 2 million dollars. And we gotta do it now."

"Can't we just go to the apartment?" Esposito asked.

"No! He'd kill them, right away. And we can't lose them."

"I know, but…"

"JUST STOP TALKING AND LET'S FIND TWO MILLION DOLLARS! WE HAVE NO TIME TO TALK, FOR GOD'S SAKE! Dammit!" Kate yelled, kind out of nowhere.

They both went quiet for a little while, and they were then joined by Montgomery, who looked concerned. He had overheard their conversation and Kate's scream of despair - but so had the people across the street, probably.

"Kate, maybe you should step of this case. You're biased."

"Really?" she asked him, still yelling, but a little less loud. "No way I'm gonna step of this case. You can't ask me to. I would give anything not to have to stop now! And besides, let's be honest: we're all biased." She did her best to come up with valid reasons why, and it seemed to have worked.

Montgomery looked at Ryan and Esposito and seemed to make the decision. "Yeah, okay. Kate, I want you to call Martha."

"Can't someone else do that? I wanna focus on saving their lives, to be honest." She emphasized the 'lives', in order to make it sound like she wasn't _that_ biased, if she cared about both their lives. Which of course she did, but Castle was the only one on her mind right now, as gruesome as that sounded.

"Yes, that's why I ask you. I want you to call Martha. She might have access to Castle's bank account. We could get her permission to withdraw the amount of money he wants."

It dawned on Kate. "Sir, that's an amazing idea. Thank you, I'll call her right away." Kate started quickly pulling out all of the papers desk, looking for her cell phone. She found it eventually in her pocket.

She looked up the number and dialled it. She was lucky she had once saved the number on her phone. It saved a lot of time.

"Martha?" Kate asked when she heard nothing.

"Yes?"

"It's Kate. I'm afraid I've got some bad news. Where are you right now?"

"I'm at the theatre. I have got a play this afternoon."

"Okay. I want you to stay there. Don't go home. I'll send one of my colleagues to explain why, but before that I'm gonna need you to help me. It's really important."

"Kate, what's going on? Is it Castle?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sending someone now." She pointed at Ryan, who was listening, and Ryan sighed, but realized ten seconds later it was the best he could do. He grabbed one of his male colleagues, named Frankie Swift, and convinced him to come along.

"Right now, I'm gonna need you to give me the information on Castle's back account. I wish I'd never have to ask you, but I have no choice."  
"Well… No! Please just tell me what the hell is going on!" she started getting frustrated, and so was Kate.

"Please, Martha, you're gonna regret this moment… Please, just tell me what you know."

"Or what?"

Kate hesitated. "Or Castle and Alexis are dead."

It was completely silent on the other end of the line "What?" she whispered eventually. "What's happening? Where are they?"

"Martha, everything will be explained. Just give me the data on his bank account."

"You mean like ransom or something? Are they holding them hostage?"

"Yes. Now please give me the data. NOW." Kate pressed. She was getting so nervous that she was feeling sick. She glanced on the clock. Twenty minutes had passed.

_Twenty minutes had passed._

"Okay, okay, fine. Wait a second, I have to get my purse." She started running, Kate heard, and then she gave her all this information she needed.

Kate was thankful that this plan had worked, but still: they had to get all the money first. 2 million dollars in a suitcase in 90 minutes was a lot to ask. And they had to make sure that Alexis and Castle survived.

For the first time, she wondered if they'd been tortured or something. The image she got of Castle getting hurt and hurt all over again, and Alexis having to watch, was sickeningly unbearable.

"Do you anything else?" Martha asked, cautiously.

"No, thank you, Martha. You've been of great help." She knew she was wasting time, but yet she finished the conversation.

"Are they alright?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. Her voice sounded surprisingly steady.

Martha was silent for a while and Kate waited, knowing she couldn't just hang her up.

"Make sure they're alright, okay? Whatever it takes?" she said. Even though she made it sound like it was a simple task, and no-lives-are-in-the-game task, but Kate knew better than that. It was an almost impossible task and a really unpredictable one.

But in that moment, when she said those words, Kate realized she'd never heard anyone say anything like that to her in that voice. It wasn't a question, it was a plead. It was begging. It was a mother asking a woman to hold on to her son, to keep him alive, even though she knew that might not be able to. Even though she might have to risk her own life to save his.

But she knew that she had to say something back, so she just said, "Yes. Whatever it takes." _Even if whatever would mean my own life_, she filled in in thought.

Hope you enjoyed that :D

Please write a review! I love reading those and they usually just make my day!

Love,

Sharon


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

AN: I got a job interview tomorrow! Yay, yay, I'm so happy. I had been looking for a job for like forever, but now they finally (hopefully) want me. So anyway, that's what I wanted to share :D

I'm going to try and make this chapter as thrilling as possible, hope it'll work. Enjoy the chapter!

Rick's left cheeck felt cold, he realized, as he started drifting back to consciousness. His eyes were closed and he couldn't find the strength to open them, yet. His heart was pounding and he started more and more to realize how much his body hurt. Every inch of his body felt like it had been hit, put into a bath of ice water, hit again, and then stabbed afterwards. He felt it screaming in protest, but he knew by heart he couldn't move. Even if he set his mind to it, he knew he wouldn't.

At that moment, a sort of groan escaped his mouth and he opened his eyes for a mere second, but the light was so bright, he had to close them right away.

"He… Hello?" he attempted, as a pathetic call for help. He wasn't sure he'd actually said it out loud, or just in his head, but he soon heard some footsteps.

As hard as he tried to remember who that might be and where he was, he couldn't seem to find the answers.

"Are you awake?" a voice said to him.

He groaned in response.

"About time," was all the person said, before walking away again. He tried to memorize the voice and recognize it, but he couldn't place it. It must be my brain, he thought. It's really unclear.

He decided not to think anymore, because his head started pounding unbearably hard. He attempted to open his eyes one more time, and he looked up. This time it was a little more clear, but still he could only distinguish a reddish kind of color, that could only pass as really long hair.

But that was the last he saw and registered, before he dozed off.

"Okay, this is the plan," Kate yelled to the group of people. She wanted to do this as quickly and well as she possibly could, because this was so important. She kept saying that to herself: _You're so gonna regret it if you mess up. You have to do it right, this one time. This one time especially._ Those kind of things.

"Esposito and Ryan: you guys are going to the bank with Perlmutter and detective Smith. You have to make sure the money's at the apartment in time. Iris, Ben and Lena: you guys have to go through all the security footage in time. Look for any signs of suspicious people hanging around the building, and take the rest of your team with you. Lanie, Frank, Oscar: you are coming with me. We need back-up, by the way. And we are going to make sure we get the hostages out alive. And the rest of you: you need to make sure the entire building is evacuated. We can't take any risks."

When Kate finished her speech, she made a gesture towards everyone and the motionless statues all came to live in a snap.

Montgomery stood next to her. "Well done, Kate. Good speech."

"Thank you, Sir," she smiled a little, even though she didn't feel like smiling at all.  
Montgomery and she had discussed what their plans was. Montgomery thought it was better for everyone to come - say, the entire staff of the precinct - because the more hands and brains, the better.

Everyone was now rushing to the elevator, and other people took the stairs when the elevator was full. Kate suddenly felt huge nerves coming up. This thing hanging on her shoulders was so vast, she couldn't even completely get a grip on it.

It was now or never. It was life or death - for her as well. She couldn't imagine living without Castle. The thought of that made her want to vomit.

"Come on, Kate. Go." Montgomery said.

"Yes," Kate murmured, coming back to life. She looked at him and then walked away.

"Kate." she heard, and she turned around.

"I trust you," he said meaningful.

She didn't respond and just kept on walking. The last look on his face had confused her. And then the "I trust you". She wasn't sure what to make of it. And she wasn't sure to believe what he had said, at all, judging by the dominant fear that had been written all over his face.

So, a pretty short post. But I wasn't really sure where to stop, since this will probably (yes, I say probably) be the last chapter before the big event. Well, hope I made you excited to read more and hope you will leave a review for me!

Thank you!

Love,

Sharon


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

AN: So, I think you might have already noticed this, but I am writing an end to this story. I have written almost 20 chapters and that's quite an accomplishment, I think. But I feel like it's coming to an end, and I will probably write a couple of more chapters after this one. Not really sure how many, but I guess we'll see what I think will be the right number.

Enjoy this chapter for now!

Ryan and Esposito sat in a car and both held their mouths shut. They were concentrating on everything, stressing out and trying to do their job at the same time, which was a pretty hard thing to do since they also had to do everything in time. Neither of them could believe the position they had been put in: that they had to save Castle again. They had already been there when he was shot (or shortly after the event) and now this happened.

Esposito pulled over at the bank. Normally they would've argued about who was going to drive the car, but this time they had both been silent and kind of naturally Ryan rode shotgun and Esposito drove. The rest of their inproved team sat in the back.

"Do we need to threaten anyone to make to give the money right away?" Ryan sort of joked, but neither of them smiled.

"I really hope we don't need to anything of that kind."

Ryan nodded, but looked worried.

"Okay, let's go," Esposito said, after a moment of silence. He beckoned the rest of the team and they jogged into the huge building.

Kate was panting. Her forehead was clammy with sweat. The elevator had been shut down, for some reason and they had to walk up the building. Since Castle lived on the 7th floor, it was a long walk. The entire team was now evacuating the building, which was a huge thing to do. There were so many people in the building, and there was only so little time. Kate was now standing in front of Castle's door, with another of her colleagues, whom she barely knew. He had really black and a pale skin and he wasn't particularly good-looking. But he did know Kate. Everyone knew her. That was part of being on of the best cop in the city.

"So, when do we enter?" he said all panting and sweaty.

"First, we wait for everyone to have the building. Then I'm gonna call the phone that's inside, hoping the guy who did it will pick up," she whispered, still breathing pretty loudly.

She tried to focus on catching the guy, even though it was hard knowing Castle was only so little from her apart, possibly in bad state.

"Okay. Now we wait?"

"Now we wait," she repeated.

He nodded, also trying to focus on her job.

Kate was under the impression he wasn't really a good cop. Not in these kind of situations, that is, because he didn't seem to function well enough in these stressful, life-threatening situations.

"What's your name again?" she asked, as if she had once known the answer.

"It's Paul. Paul Finley."

"Great, Paul. I'm Kate Beckett." She quickly, kind of unwillingly, shook his seriously sweaty hand. "Are you okay? You're of no use, if you're gonna faint."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said, but sounded a little unsure.

Kate nodded. "Okay. Good," trying and pretending to fully trust him.

There was a moment of silence. Kate felt her inner clock becoming more and more obviously present, because its ticking became harder and harder. She normally didn't believe in God or anything that hadn't been proved by science and was therefore in her opinion nonsense, but this was one of the first times she'd tried to ask God. For just this once. To make her not going to regret leaving Castle alone this morning. For leaving him almost unprotected and unarmed.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She'd put it on vibrate on purpose, because they weren't supposed to make noise. She walked away from the door and picked up the phone.

"Beckett."  
"It's Serena. Everyone has left the building. We left two of our men downstairs and we're now on our way up."  
"Okay. 7th floor."

"Yes, I know." And that's it. She just hung up.

Kate walked back to - what was it? - Paul, she thought.

"Hey," she said, leaning against the wall next to him and holding her gun with both hands. "They're coming up. We can almost begin."

"Great," Paul said, his voice higher-pitched than a normal male voice now.

"Maybe you should stand back when the team arrives. It's for your own safety." She smiled at him, more annoyed than compassionate, because of the entire situation.

"Yes, of course. Safety for everything."

Kate decided not to respond or react. One moment later, a group on 15 fifteen half-ran in their directions, with all their guns pointed at the floor. Everyone positioned in front of the door. They formed a small army and the girl named Serena - Kate did know this girl - gestured toward Kate. Kate needed to make the call.

She walked a little further into the corridor, her gun in one hand, her phone in her other and her eyes locked on the door. She dialled the number and waited as the phone inside rang. The sound of silence and the barely audible sound of the phone ringing, was excruciating.

"Castle's loft, what can I help you with?"

"I'd like to speak to Castle."

"Oh, hello detective. I've missed you. How have you been?"

"Wonderful. Can I please speak to Castle now?" Her jaw tightened visibly. She had to keep herself from yelling at him in anger.

He ignored her once again. "Me too, thanks for asking. I wish I could tell you how much I have enjoyed myself this past afternoon."

"Oh really?" she held the wall for support and her eyes were filled with every bit of anger that had built up in all these years.

"Yes, I've loved it. The redhead, Alexis, is very attractive. I like her _very_ much. They're all just so obedient when they're unconscious. And I love people when they're obedient. But I already told you that, didn't I?"

For the first time, Kate really worried about Alexis. She genuinely hoped he hadn't molested or abused her in any way.

"If you touch her, I swear…" She didn't finish her sentence.

"On the other hand," he started sounding more persuasive now. "I don't like people that are trying to make me do something I don't want to do. So, I won't listen to you. You know why?"

Kate waited - to say that she was impatient would've been an understatement.

"You know why?!" he pressed, raising his voice.

"I don't." Kate suddenly felt that she was being played and she was not - by far - the leader in the game. It was made her feel like some kind of a slave, working for some random psychopath.

"Well, Katherin Beckett, because you have nothing. You can't try to make me do something, because if you do try, just one more time, I will shoot your little redheaded friend. Ask me again, you will be a single woman. That's the rule. The only one. You don't ask me or tell me to do anything. You just listen."

"Can we get them back when we give you the money?"

"Is that a question, Kate?"

Kate nodded. "I'm not ordering you to do anything, it's just out of curiosity." Kate clenched her teeth together.

"You might get them back. I don't like making promises I'm not sure I can keep."

Kate held her mouth shut. "Alright, I understand."

"Lovely. That's just… lovely. You understand the rules, I understand the rules. Now all we have to wait for is: who will win?" he spoke the words so slowly and emphasized them in a way that made Kate shudder with fear.

"We need the money," Esposito insisted. He pushed Ryan away, because he felt that Ryan wasn't pressing hard enough. When he was angry, Esposito looked like a pitbull about to attack his victim. And that usually had a persuasive effect on the people.

"I just need to contact my employer, please wait a second," the really pretty blonde receptionist answered. Girls like her shouldn't be sitting behind a counter and picking up calls all day. They should be modelling and do photoshoots for magazines, Ryan thought.

"We don't have a second to wait, miss… what's-your-name?" He tried to read her name card pinned on her chest, decided he couldn't read it from a distance of 8 foot and went on. "We're cops. We're in an emergency."

"I'm dialling now. A second, please," she said. She sounded more and more afraid of these random guys who claimed to be cops and needed 2 million dollars right away.

"It's been arranged," the girl said, after listening to the guy on the phone. "Someone named mr. Montgomery made the call. He's the head of the NYPD."

"Yes, we know. We work for him." Esposito became annoyed, but at the same he thanked God for Roy Montgomery and his smart moves.

"Espo, 30 minutes. Make it quick."

Esposito turned around. "Do I look like I'm not working on it?!" he whispered, in a scarily mad voice.

"No, you are, I know. I'm just… reminding you."

"Well, thanks, very helpful."

The blonde stood up. "Can you guys walk with me, please?" she asked, trying to be as polite as she possibly could and trying to hide her obviously present fear.

"Of course." Ryan smiled at her and motioned that the rest of the guys should wait right there. After that, he followed Esposito and the tall girl with the huge black stilettos.

"Is she still on the phone with him?" Paul asked someone. Anyone, really. Nobody answered, they all just made "shush!" noises and one of them pointed at Kate thirty feet away walking back and forth in the corridor. They couldn't hear a word she was saying. There was just one cop who had an ear piece in, and listened to every word that was being said in the conversation. She listened carefully with an odd, concentrated expression on her face.

"So, Kate," she heard. "Would you like to tell me you have exactly twenty-three minutes left before you have a new double homocide?"

"Thanks for reminding me," was all she could answer. She felt so trapped. She was really panicking - she had no idea what she could plan. She had never been a good schemer, she just did what she was told and she did it perfectly, but she was bad in making the plans.

"Tick tock, tick tock…"

And just like that, he hung up on her.

She pushed her phone into her pocket, looking frustrated and confused. She walked to the rest of the group, and sat down next to Serena, who had the ear piece in.

"So what do we do?" she asked Kate.

"I have no idea."

Serena looked at her. Kate looked pretty cool about the fact that she had no idea what to do, but Serena knew by heart that wasn't the case at all. "Can't we just storm the door?" she joked.

"I doubt that is a good idea," Kate sighed. "He probably has a gun pointed at their heads."

"If only we could see through doors, huh…"

Kate looked up at her. "The lock. We can take a look _through_ the front door lock."

"Do it the old-fashioned way. I like it." Serena commented and she smiled.

So, I had to split this up. It's waaaaaay too much to write it all in one chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, anyway! The next chapter will be up, soon…

Please leave a review/comment!

Love,

Sharon


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Kate sat against the door, her ear pressed against the wood, trying to concentrate on what she heard. It was completely silent apart from… breathing. At the same time, Serena looked through the lock.

"I don't see any bombs or anything. He doesn't even carry a gun," Serena whispered to Kate.

Kate nodded. She'd seen this. Yet, she didn't trust it. She couldn't believe he would come her without any kind of protection. It didn't seem right to her.

At that time, Kate's phone vibrated. A text from Esposito. _We're coming up now, _he said. _Got the money._

Kate sighed. She seemed to relax and showed the text to Serena, who nodded, but seemed less relieved than her. She had worry written all over her face.

"So what do we do?" she whispered without making a sound.

"Wait for them to come upstairs. Then, I'm gonna make the call."

She stood up and walked over the corridor. It only took the rest of the team about 30 seconds to reach the top of the stairs, panting.

"Here you go. Are you gonna bring it to him?" Ryan asked.

"Yes," Kate said and by the way she said it, he knew he couldn't make her change her mind.

So, he nodded instead and said, "Be careful. We'll be your back-up, but just… be careful."

Kate smiled and nodded. She turned around and dialled the number one more time.

"Hello?"

"This is Beckett."

"You again." He didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"Yes. I've got a present for ya." She tried to get rid of the nervous trace her voice made, but she couldn't seem to lose it completely.

"Oh really?"

"Yes. It's two million dollars in a briefcase."

"And I suppose you want to bring me the briefcase and get your hostages back."

"Yes, if that would be okay." She decided to be as polite as she could, to prevent him from going mad.

"How about - because I assume you're already here, blocking the door with a whole team of policemen - you leave it at my doorstep and I give you back the hostages in half an hour."

"That's not the deal and you know it." Her voice started trembling.

"The deal was: I'm gonna make the rules, you're gonna listen to me. Not the other way around, remember?"

She didn't respond for a couple of seconds. "How can I be sure you are going to keep them alive once I leave the money?"

"You can't. I guess you have no choice but to trust me."

Kate felt as if she was going to throw up. "You can't do this."

"Watch me." And that was the last thing he said, before hanging up on her, leaving her - once again - unsure about what to do and about whether she could trust him at all.

And this time, it was Castle's life depending on it. Fully.

"I wanna storm the door," Kate said. She sounded really sure about what she had just said. "I wanna let him know he's not the one making the rules here. It's us. It's me."

"You wanna storm the door, are you crazy? What did he say?" Esposito frowned. He couldn't believe his smartest colleague was getting played by a murderer.

"Nothing. He wants us to leave the money on the doorstep and them just wait for him to relax Castle and Alexis. We can't do that."

Ryan nodded. "Alright. I trust you, Kate. I really do."

Kate didn't react to his comment. She didn't know why people kept telling her that. She might be trustworthy, but she really had no clue what the hell she was doing.

"Let's do it," Esposito said and he walked into the group of cops, positioning them as quickly as he could.

And that's how it happened. It was a moment of pure adrenaline and energy. There was no way it could have been planned fully and there was no way they could have been sure it would have actually worked out.

But somehow, it did.

Kate remembered being the one to run across the room as the fifty-years-old creep and murderer had been blown away by the surprise. He had waved his gun immediately - the one he'd hidden somewhere on the couch - and how the cops had jumped him and easily put his handcuffs on his wrists and made him go silent. Serena was the one to eventually arrest him.

Kate had sat down next to the still dizzy and half-aware of was going on Castle, and Alexis, who was more afraid than Kate had ever seen her before. She was shaking and grabbed Kate's hand and started crying as soon as she saw her. Kate had been torn between them, not knowing who to support first. It was Ryan who had eventually helped her and comforted Alexis in her place.

Kate had turned all her attention to Castle, who was quickly coming to terms with what had happened and in what kind of state Alexis had been.

"She'll be fine, Rick, I promise you."

He had tried to sit up, but Kate had helped him back on the couch instead. The couch she had left him on this very morning. It had been so long, she remembered thing. It almost seemed like weeks since she'd last seen him.

"I'm so sorry, Rick. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. I should have never left you alone. I'm so sorry…" she kept telling him and she stared into his bright, bright blue eyes as she teared up a little.

"Kate, it's okay, it's okay."

That same night Kate, Rick, Alexis and Martha were sitting in the living room, talking about light things. No one seemed to want to bring up what had even happened today, even though everyone was talking about it. Alexis talked about her upcoming tests, Kate told them a couple of stories about when she was in the early days of her career as a cop, Martha told them everything about everyone in the newest play she was involved in - in detail and probably ten times exaggerated - and Rick just joked around a little and made comments on the newest TV show that had everyone hooked everyone Saturday night since a couple of weeks.

They were laughing and the atmosphere started to feel more and more relaxed as the evening went on. They had ordered pizzas because no one was in the mood to cook and they decided not to eat or drink anything that was considered healthy for the rest of the evening.

"I like this," Alexis said, out of nowhere.

She created a silence by saying this so suddenly, but not an awkward one, it just felt really natural.

Rick smiled. "Me too. It's almost like we're a…" He stopped at the end of his sentence, as if he was afraid of saying the word.

"Yes, a family. You can say it," Alexis encouraged him.

"Yes," he said, grinning at her.

"It does feel like that. I like it." Alexis smiled at Kate, and Kate smiled back.

And in that moment, that exact moment, Rick felt all of his worries falling of his shoulders. The way Kate and Alexis looked at each other made him believe that all was forgiven. And when Kate looked at him, he knew for a 100 per cent sure he had never loved anyone more than her.

AN: I guess this is the end. I'm not gonna talk to much, because I don't want to ruin the ending, but I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you to those who have reviewed over the last couple of months and have been patient with me when I didn't write as much as I would've liked. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Lots of love,

Sharon


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